I am scheduled for my Pre-Op on the 5th of March; I am starting to get nervous! It is actually getting close and I think that it is going to happen. I still need to make and appointment for my Life Styles class; and that is a class that I have to sit through! They teach out how to eat and about the “life style” that I am going to have to live after the surgery.
I also registered for surgery today as well; it is so weird I have been working towards this for nine months now and I am about to reach my goal. I was beginning to think that it wasn’t going to happen; but here we are it is happening. I am glad I can’t wait to start my life; I can’t wait to see what the rest of my life has in store for me. It is going to be interesting to see; I can’t wait too see what I look like after I loose my weight.
I just thought that I would update all of you where I am and what is happening. I will know for sure of everything next Friday.
Ronda Gardner
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I am a Bawl Baby!
Can I just tell you that I am so emotional right now that it is not funny; I did not realize that one person could have so many tears, wow! It is just a rough week; I am cutting out as many Carbohydrates as possible and it is very difficult, I am so tiered that I want to do is sleep and I can’t. I want to take a day off work and just sleep all day long; but I keep reminding myself that I only have 12 more days and I am going to have a couple of weeks off, and four of those days are going to be in the hospital resting so I will get plenty of sleep then.
The night that I went up for my consultation with Dr. Belnap; we had to watch this video about the Gastric Bypass surgery. In the beginning of the video there were going around asking “SKINNY” people what they think when they see some one who is over weight. Some of the things that these people were saying were absolutely horrible.
They were saying everything from; they have no self control, they like to over indulge, I think that they need to try harder to be skinny and work out. These are just a few of the things that they were saying. I was very difficult for me to watch.
Having had a weight problem my whole life, knowing that I have been on diet after diet since I was five years old. I took it personally because I have tried VERY hard my whole life to loose weight. I have done everything; I have been able too loose weight but never been able to keep it off. It is not easy; and with having the genetic back ground that we have we don’t have much of a chance.
Well the surgeon was telling me that with some people there weight problem is because of the way that they eat. Some people are over weight because the have back genes. He was telling us that there is a gene that is as old as the cave man; not every one has this gene but it is there. It makes you store fat wither you need to or not. It can not tell the difference.
Well thinking about this video makes me think about something else that is a real peeve of mine. I hate the way that society makes me feel; allot of times I feel like I am not even a person I am just some thing that is taking up space that could be used for something better. I know that I am not the only person that feels this way.
I hate it when you are in the mall of a grocery store and some one walks past you and make eye contact with you; only to shun you and look a way when you acknowledge them and smile at them. It dehumanizes you and I wish that it didn’t happen as often as it does.
I look forward to the day that all man kind is equal and there is not prejudice between any one. That would be a perfect world and I don’t see it happening any time soon. I am glad that I have a husband that loves me the way that I am; he thinks that I am beautiful and loves me just the way that I am. I love that he thinks that I am sexy; but you know he is behind me 100% when it comes to this surgery and that makes me happier than anything.
He wants me to be happy and healthy and if this is what it takes then he is okay with it.
Now that my surgery date is getting closer I would think that I would be getting nervous; but I’m not, the closer that it gets the more excited I get. I am ready to have this part of my long journey over with and to start the next leg.
It has been a long ten months but I have learned so much I have become so much stronger and I have learned to relay upon my savior to guide me and get me through; he never steers you wrong. I have relied on him through this whole process to make sure that I was doing the right thing and that I had made the right decision.
I know that there are two people on the side who are rooting for me, I am sure my Grandma Tom (Hard) is behind me I don’t think that she would want me too have the same life that she did; I don’t want to die like that. The other person is my Dear Sweet Destry; when I went to his viewing I lost it I was crying so hard that I could not breathe. His mother told me that Destry was telling her the day before he passed how much he cared about me and how much he loved me. He was always saying that he was concerned about me and that if he had the money that he would pay for me to have a Gastric Bypass; there has been more than once that I thought he was near me. I know that he is happy for me and behind me all the way.
Well this is my longest post; I just have allot on my mind tonight. Thank you all for your support it is seriously what is getting me through this right now. It is hard and trying; thank you I love you all!
Ronda Gardner
The night that I went up for my consultation with Dr. Belnap; we had to watch this video about the Gastric Bypass surgery. In the beginning of the video there were going around asking “SKINNY” people what they think when they see some one who is over weight. Some of the things that these people were saying were absolutely horrible.
They were saying everything from; they have no self control, they like to over indulge, I think that they need to try harder to be skinny and work out. These are just a few of the things that they were saying. I was very difficult for me to watch.
Having had a weight problem my whole life, knowing that I have been on diet after diet since I was five years old. I took it personally because I have tried VERY hard my whole life to loose weight. I have done everything; I have been able too loose weight but never been able to keep it off. It is not easy; and with having the genetic back ground that we have we don’t have much of a chance.
Well the surgeon was telling me that with some people there weight problem is because of the way that they eat. Some people are over weight because the have back genes. He was telling us that there is a gene that is as old as the cave man; not every one has this gene but it is there. It makes you store fat wither you need to or not. It can not tell the difference.
Well thinking about this video makes me think about something else that is a real peeve of mine. I hate the way that society makes me feel; allot of times I feel like I am not even a person I am just some thing that is taking up space that could be used for something better. I know that I am not the only person that feels this way.
I hate it when you are in the mall of a grocery store and some one walks past you and make eye contact with you; only to shun you and look a way when you acknowledge them and smile at them. It dehumanizes you and I wish that it didn’t happen as often as it does.
I look forward to the day that all man kind is equal and there is not prejudice between any one. That would be a perfect world and I don’t see it happening any time soon. I am glad that I have a husband that loves me the way that I am; he thinks that I am beautiful and loves me just the way that I am. I love that he thinks that I am sexy; but you know he is behind me 100% when it comes to this surgery and that makes me happier than anything.
He wants me to be happy and healthy and if this is what it takes then he is okay with it.
Now that my surgery date is getting closer I would think that I would be getting nervous; but I’m not, the closer that it gets the more excited I get. I am ready to have this part of my long journey over with and to start the next leg.
It has been a long ten months but I have learned so much I have become so much stronger and I have learned to relay upon my savior to guide me and get me through; he never steers you wrong. I have relied on him through this whole process to make sure that I was doing the right thing and that I had made the right decision.
I know that there are two people on the side who are rooting for me, I am sure my Grandma Tom (Hard) is behind me I don’t think that she would want me too have the same life that she did; I don’t want to die like that. The other person is my Dear Sweet Destry; when I went to his viewing I lost it I was crying so hard that I could not breathe. His mother told me that Destry was telling her the day before he passed how much he cared about me and how much he loved me. He was always saying that he was concerned about me and that if he had the money that he would pay for me to have a Gastric Bypass; there has been more than once that I thought he was near me. I know that he is happy for me and behind me all the way.
Well this is my longest post; I just have allot on my mind tonight. Thank you all for your support it is seriously what is getting me through this right now. It is hard and trying; thank you I love you all!
Ronda Gardner
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Dazed and Confused!
With today being Wednesday; that means that I went to the hospital and weighed in. It was a good week; I lost another six pounds to make it a total of thirty pounds lost.
The reason that I am so confused is the fact that they told me what I need to be down to before surgery; and that will put me at Forty seven pounds lost. I am going to call Vikki tomorrow and talk to her. That mean I would have to loose 17 pounds in 12 days and I don’t think that, that is possible.
I told Vikki that I am going to try to cut out all Carbohydrates; she told me that if I can’t to cut back to fifteen grams. I am going to be sick; but if it means that I can loose the weight that I need to I will do it. I was also told that if I got some Green Tea that it would also help accelerate my weight loss.
I can do this; I need to stay positive and continue to believe that I can do. I have so many wonderful friends that support me and help me stay strong. My family is also wonderful; they are all behind me 100%. That means allot too me.
There are so many people that go into this with out the love and support of there family and friends; and I have been told that it is very difficult. I There are some people who don’t know that I am doing this; but I don’t think that it is any of there business. If I did tell them all they would do is ridicule me; and tell me that I am cheating and doing it the easy. I know I have said this before, but this is not the easy way to loose weight.
It gives me a head start and helps me learn to eat healthy. I have too be whiling to change my life style or it won’t work for me. I am completely whiling to change my life style; I am ready to be thin. Watch out world here I come!
Thank you all for your support and thank you for reading my blog. I love all of you and thank god for you every day!
Ronda Gardner
The reason that I am so confused is the fact that they told me what I need to be down to before surgery; and that will put me at Forty seven pounds lost. I am going to call Vikki tomorrow and talk to her. That mean I would have to loose 17 pounds in 12 days and I don’t think that, that is possible.
I told Vikki that I am going to try to cut out all Carbohydrates; she told me that if I can’t to cut back to fifteen grams. I am going to be sick; but if it means that I can loose the weight that I need to I will do it. I was also told that if I got some Green Tea that it would also help accelerate my weight loss.
I can do this; I need to stay positive and continue to believe that I can do. I have so many wonderful friends that support me and help me stay strong. My family is also wonderful; they are all behind me 100%. That means allot too me.
There are so many people that go into this with out the love and support of there family and friends; and I have been told that it is very difficult. I There are some people who don’t know that I am doing this; but I don’t think that it is any of there business. If I did tell them all they would do is ridicule me; and tell me that I am cheating and doing it the easy. I know I have said this before, but this is not the easy way to loose weight.
It gives me a head start and helps me learn to eat healthy. I have too be whiling to change my life style or it won’t work for me. I am completely whiling to change my life style; I am ready to be thin. Watch out world here I come!
Thank you all for your support and thank you for reading my blog. I love all of you and thank god for you every day!
Ronda Gardner
Monday, February 25, 2008
Nausea and Dizzy Spells
I can not wait until I loose the rest of the 40 pounds and I am ready to have surgery; because I am tiered of not feeling well. I am constantly nauseated and shaky and lightheaded. I think that I have complained about this before but it is getting old.
I am trying so hard to stay strong and not falter. I know that I made this choice, I knew that it was going to be difficult; but I didn’t think that it was going to be this difficult. I know that the diet that I am on is not exactly healthy allot of people keep reminding me of that, but I have to do what is asked of me if I don’t the surgeon can refuse me and I don’t want that.
I am constantly reminding myself that the final out come is going to be worth everything that I am going through. That also makes it a little easier.
I have talked to allot of people who have had the surgery; and have heard allot of good and bad things about it. But my best friend Jackie keeps telling me that the surgery doesn’t fail the patient, the patient fails the surgery.
I have heard more positive stories than I have bad and I have noticed that the people that have had the WLS that didn’t succeed, thought that they didn’t have to change the way that they ate after surgery. One lady I talked to said the day that she went home from the hospital she ate a huge plate of Spaghetti and made her self sick. I am surprised that she didn’t end up back in the hospital.
I have a friend a work that had the surgery 26 years ago and she looks fabulous. She told me that in 26 years she gained 60 pounds back, she joined weight watchers and as lost every thing that she had gained.
My friend Jackie is 6 years out, and she has had two pregnancies since she had her surgery; and she is doing incredible. She looks so good and gives me encouragement; I know that I can do it. When I told her that my Doctor referred me to a surgeon and that I was really thinking about doing it; she had some of her friends email me and share their stories with me. I think that, that really helped me make my decision.
I have one of the best surgeons in Utah, Dr. Legrand Belnap; I have done a Google search on him, I have read and heard nothing but good things about him. I say is name and other Doctors sing his praise; I am glad that he is the surgeon that is going to do my surgery. He has an incredible staff as well, they are so friendly and I never feel stupid if I have to call up there to ask a stupid question. They are great; in fact I was so impressed with them that I referred my friend Tierra Lott to them for her surgery.
I guess that I couldn’t ask for more, I am in good hands. I feel confident about having the procedure, and the change that my life is going to be taking. I want to thank all of you for your support, and love it means the world too me!
I am trying so hard to stay strong and not falter. I know that I made this choice, I knew that it was going to be difficult; but I didn’t think that it was going to be this difficult. I know that the diet that I am on is not exactly healthy allot of people keep reminding me of that, but I have to do what is asked of me if I don’t the surgeon can refuse me and I don’t want that.
I am constantly reminding myself that the final out come is going to be worth everything that I am going through. That also makes it a little easier.
I have talked to allot of people who have had the surgery; and have heard allot of good and bad things about it. But my best friend Jackie keeps telling me that the surgery doesn’t fail the patient, the patient fails the surgery.
I have heard more positive stories than I have bad and I have noticed that the people that have had the WLS that didn’t succeed, thought that they didn’t have to change the way that they ate after surgery. One lady I talked to said the day that she went home from the hospital she ate a huge plate of Spaghetti and made her self sick. I am surprised that she didn’t end up back in the hospital.
I have a friend a work that had the surgery 26 years ago and she looks fabulous. She told me that in 26 years she gained 60 pounds back, she joined weight watchers and as lost every thing that she had gained.
My friend Jackie is 6 years out, and she has had two pregnancies since she had her surgery; and she is doing incredible. She looks so good and gives me encouragement; I know that I can do it. When I told her that my Doctor referred me to a surgeon and that I was really thinking about doing it; she had some of her friends email me and share their stories with me. I think that, that really helped me make my decision.
I have one of the best surgeons in Utah, Dr. Legrand Belnap; I have done a Google search on him, I have read and heard nothing but good things about him. I say is name and other Doctors sing his praise; I am glad that he is the surgeon that is going to do my surgery. He has an incredible staff as well, they are so friendly and I never feel stupid if I have to call up there to ask a stupid question. They are great; in fact I was so impressed with them that I referred my friend Tierra Lott to them for her surgery.
I guess that I couldn’t ask for more, I am in good hands. I feel confident about having the procedure, and the change that my life is going to be taking. I want to thank all of you for your support, and love it means the world too me!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
President Thomas S. Monson, First Councelor in the First Presidency
Occasionally discouragement may darken our pathway; frustration may be a constant companion. In our ears there may sound the sophistry of Satan as he whispers, “You cannot save the world; your small efforts are meaningless. You haven’t time to be concerned for others.” Trusting in the Lord, let us turn our heads from such falsehoods and make certain our feet are firmly planted in the path of service and our hearts and souls dedicated to follow the example of the Lord. In moments when the light of resolution dims and when the heart grows faint, we can take comfort from His promise: “Be not weary in well-doing. … Out of small things proceedeth that which is great. Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind.”Thomas S. Monson, “Finding Peace,” Ensign, Mar. 2004, 3
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Random Thoughts!
It just seems like yesterday that I went up to Dr. Belnap’s office for my Pro-Op appointment, but it has been 34 days! I also can’t believe that I have lost 24 pounds; I have never lost weight this fast before. I have had several people tell me that I don’t need to have surgery because I am loosing weight so well on my own. The only thing is, is that if I went back to eating the way that I was before I would gain it back, or I would not be as successful.
I tell them that they have to realize that I am on a very unhealthy diet. I mean Dr. Atkins thinks that he had the right Idea with High Protein and no Carbohydrates. I mean the diet works but I have to tell you that I am sick most of the time; I am so dizzy and light headed I have the shakes all of the time. But I am trying to cut as many carbohydrates as possible because right now I am in crunch mode, I have 17 days to loose 16 pounds and I want to do it I have to have surgery on the 10th of March. I think that I will be very disappointed in my self and I think that it will be very hard for me too want to keep going.
But I am not going to start thinking this way. I have to stay positive! I am almost at my goal, and the taste of victory is going to be sweet. I can not wait to be thin; this is something that I have wanted everyday of my life since I was a small girl. I have always thought that there was a thin person inside of me trying to get out, and she is about to come out and all I can say is….
Watch out world here comes Ronda; I can’t wait to see what my future has in store for me. I am thinking about going through the police academy; I am not sure though because I have also thought about going to Culinary arts school. I love to cook and I think that it would be fun to be chief.
I am going to make some changes in my life and I am not sure what they are going to be but they are going to be exciting. I know that there is so much more for me in this life and I have been holding my self back because of my weight. I don’t like to put my self in the spot light, if I did that then people would notice me, and I don’t want people to see me because the world can be pretty cruel, and I don’t like to be in the spot light. But things are going to be changing for me and I can’t wait.
I want to thank you for your support through this period in my life, it has been hard but I know that in the long run it is going to be worth it. I love you all!
Ronda Gardner
I tell them that they have to realize that I am on a very unhealthy diet. I mean Dr. Atkins thinks that he had the right Idea with High Protein and no Carbohydrates. I mean the diet works but I have to tell you that I am sick most of the time; I am so dizzy and light headed I have the shakes all of the time. But I am trying to cut as many carbohydrates as possible because right now I am in crunch mode, I have 17 days to loose 16 pounds and I want to do it I have to have surgery on the 10th of March. I think that I will be very disappointed in my self and I think that it will be very hard for me too want to keep going.
But I am not going to start thinking this way. I have to stay positive! I am almost at my goal, and the taste of victory is going to be sweet. I can not wait to be thin; this is something that I have wanted everyday of my life since I was a small girl. I have always thought that there was a thin person inside of me trying to get out, and she is about to come out and all I can say is….
Watch out world here comes Ronda; I can’t wait to see what my future has in store for me. I am thinking about going through the police academy; I am not sure though because I have also thought about going to Culinary arts school. I love to cook and I think that it would be fun to be chief.
I am going to make some changes in my life and I am not sure what they are going to be but they are going to be exciting. I know that there is so much more for me in this life and I have been holding my self back because of my weight. I don’t like to put my self in the spot light, if I did that then people would notice me, and I don’t want people to see me because the world can be pretty cruel, and I don’t like to be in the spot light. But things are going to be changing for me and I can’t wait.
I want to thank you for your support through this period in my life, it has been hard but I know that in the long run it is going to be worth it. I love you all!
Ronda Gardner
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
It Was a Good Week!
Well I had a rough weekend and didn’t feel good for most of the week, but it was a good week! I lost Six pounds and am 16 pounds closer to my goal. I have 18 days too loose 16 pounds. I am going to do it; it shouldn’t be that hard to loose.
This is my game plan; I am going to cut out as many carbohydrates as possible maybe none as often as possible. I am going to try hard everyday to exercise more; I think that I am going to try walking at work. Drink more water, cut out the salt (it is going to make eating boiled eggs, tuna and cottage cheese hard) but I can do it. I am also going to continue drinking Aloe Vera Juice; I am not sure that it is working but I know on the weeks that I have drank it I have lost more.
Something else I have noticed is; is that on the weeks when I loose more I don’t feel good all week. I get really light headed shaky and really nauseated. But if it means that I am going to have a good weight loss that week; it is definitely worth not feeling well.
It is great that I have so many people who are standing behind and me supporting me. Everybody is behind me and my decision; my brother wasn’t for a while, but I think that he is now. He is afraid that I am going to die on the table. But I told him one day that my chances of dieing are great, I have Severe Sleep Apnea and we didn’t know it for a long time. I am now on a C-pap machine, I can’t say that I sleep on it every night but I try. I just got a new mask and I need to try it out.
I told him I could get in the car to go to work and get killed in a car accident; which in Utah is highly possible because we have the worst drivers in the United States, it is insane; and lastly I told him that if is my time I am going to die no matter what I am doing or where I am.
Enough about death, because I am not planning on going any where; I have never been skinny and I am looking forward to the experience.
I want to Thank you all again for your continuing support and all of the love that you send my way. It means allot to me!
Ronda Gardner
This is my game plan; I am going to cut out as many carbohydrates as possible maybe none as often as possible. I am going to try hard everyday to exercise more; I think that I am going to try walking at work. Drink more water, cut out the salt (it is going to make eating boiled eggs, tuna and cottage cheese hard) but I can do it. I am also going to continue drinking Aloe Vera Juice; I am not sure that it is working but I know on the weeks that I have drank it I have lost more.
Something else I have noticed is; is that on the weeks when I loose more I don’t feel good all week. I get really light headed shaky and really nauseated. But if it means that I am going to have a good weight loss that week; it is definitely worth not feeling well.
It is great that I have so many people who are standing behind and me supporting me. Everybody is behind me and my decision; my brother wasn’t for a while, but I think that he is now. He is afraid that I am going to die on the table. But I told him one day that my chances of dieing are great, I have Severe Sleep Apnea and we didn’t know it for a long time. I am now on a C-pap machine, I can’t say that I sleep on it every night but I try. I just got a new mask and I need to try it out.
I told him I could get in the car to go to work and get killed in a car accident; which in Utah is highly possible because we have the worst drivers in the United States, it is insane; and lastly I told him that if is my time I am going to die no matter what I am doing or where I am.
Enough about death, because I am not planning on going any where; I have never been skinny and I am looking forward to the experience.
I want to Thank you all again for your continuing support and all of the love that you send my way. It means allot to me!
Ronda Gardner
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Wow 20 Days to Go!
Wow 20 Days to Go!
I can’t believe that I only have twenty days until surgery, if of course I can manage too loose that last twenty pounds. I only have to loose one pound a day, that’s not too much!
I can do it, no problem right? Well I will let you know how much of a problem that it will be after I weight tomorrow!
I a little nervous about being put out, I need to call the hospital (UVRMC) and request my medical records from my Gallbladder surgery, because I had some serious problems with anesthetic. I went into surgery at eight in the morning and didn’t come out of the anesthetic until almost ten o’clock that night. So this is the only thing that I am worried about.
I am just going to stay positive and pray that every thing goes well and that there aren’t any problems. Keep your fingers crossed that I have a big loss this week (not counting on it) and that things keep moving the way that they are supposed to.
This is not the time to loose faith and give up. I have come way too far to slip up or to
give up now! My mom didn’t raise me to be a quitter, I am going to see this through unless a higher power stops me in my tracks and then I will know that I am not supposed to have it.
As for any one who is thinking about having weight loss surgery, really, really think about it. This isn’t something to go into lightly; this is a very long and hard road. It is seriously a life change; you HAVE to change your eating habits and so many other things. I know with my surgeon if I do not every little thing that he asks me to do he will not allow me to have surgery.
This is a serious procedure and it can be life threatening. I have talked to allot of people who have had the surgery; some who succeeded and also some who have not and area now heavier than they were before. So there are both good and bad; I have also talked to people who have not been able to stop loosing weight and have had to be hospitalized. So the advice that I would give to any one is to do your home work and talk to people.
Debbie this suggestion is for you; don’t talk to Dee about it she is very against it. Well not against it but she says that it didn’t work for Shelly and so it doesn’t work. My friend Jackie has told me that it isn’t the surgery that fails to work; it is the person. I am not saying any thing bad about any one, I love Shelly this is just what I have seen; learned and have been told.
Well I am going to go for the night I have lots of Stampin’Up! Stuff to do! I want to thank all of you for the support, Esp. Debbie and Melanie your comments are helping me a lot. Thank you for the love and support.
Ronda Gardner
I can’t believe that I only have twenty days until surgery, if of course I can manage too loose that last twenty pounds. I only have to loose one pound a day, that’s not too much!
I can do it, no problem right? Well I will let you know how much of a problem that it will be after I weight tomorrow!I a little nervous about being put out, I need to call the hospital (UVRMC) and request my medical records from my Gallbladder surgery, because I had some serious problems with anesthetic. I went into surgery at eight in the morning and didn’t come out of the anesthetic until almost ten o’clock that night. So this is the only thing that I am worried about.
I am just going to stay positive and pray that every thing goes well and that there aren’t any problems. Keep your fingers crossed that I have a big loss this week (not counting on it) and that things keep moving the way that they are supposed to.
This is not the time to loose faith and give up. I have come way too far to slip up or to
give up now! My mom didn’t raise me to be a quitter, I am going to see this through unless a higher power stops me in my tracks and then I will know that I am not supposed to have it.
As for any one who is thinking about having weight loss surgery, really, really think about it. This isn’t something to go into lightly; this is a very long and hard road. It is seriously a life change; you HAVE to change your eating habits and so many other things. I know with my surgeon if I do not every little thing that he asks me to do he will not allow me to have surgery.
This is a serious procedure and it can be life threatening. I have talked to allot of people who have had the surgery; some who succeeded and also some who have not and area now heavier than they were before. So there are both good and bad; I have also talked to people who have not been able to stop loosing weight and have had to be hospitalized. So the advice that I would give to any one is to do your home work and talk to people.
Debbie this suggestion is for you; don’t talk to Dee about it she is very against it. Well not against it but she says that it didn’t work for Shelly and so it doesn’t work. My friend Jackie has told me that it isn’t the surgery that fails to work; it is the person. I am not saying any thing bad about any one, I love Shelly this is just what I have seen; learned and have been told.
Well I am going to go for the night I have lots of Stampin’Up! Stuff to do! I want to thank all of you for the support, Esp. Debbie and Melanie your comments are helping me a lot. Thank you for the love and support.
Ronda Gardner
Monday, February 18, 2008
I Survived Hallie's Seventh Birthday Party!
I didn’t think that I was going to but I did, we went to Build-A-Bear for a workshop and had a blast. The kids built everything from turtles to penguins, and even some of the adult built animals. I built a scruffy puppy, he is really cute I put him in a Soccer jersey and sun glasses, and I named him Olof after one of Aston Villa football clubs players he is my favorite player.
Well that was the part of the party that was okay, it was after we got home and pizza was ordered and everything turned to food that made it difficult. My little brother was tormenting me with pizza because it used to be one of my favorite foods and now I can’t have it. I made it through, I stayed strong but I don’t want to have to do it again. I am getting to close to my goal to fail now.
Some of my friends want to go out and have a pig fest, just eat everything that I am never going to be able to have again, but that scares me because I am afraid if I gain even one pound I am not going to be able to have surgery on the 10th. So I don’t think that I am going to be doing it.
This morning I was watching the Today show with my father and they had Ron Lester on, he played Billy Bob in the Movie Varsity Blues, he had a Gastric Bypass and he looks fabulous. He weighed 508 lbs; he lost 315lbs to weigh 193. Wow I am looking forward to the loss. I can’t wait.
Thank you for the support and reading my blog!
Ronda Gardner
Well that was the part of the party that was okay, it was after we got home and pizza was ordered and everything turned to food that made it difficult. My little brother was tormenting me with pizza because it used to be one of my favorite foods and now I can’t have it. I made it through, I stayed strong but I don’t want to have to do it again. I am getting to close to my goal to fail now.
Some of my friends want to go out and have a pig fest, just eat everything that I am never going to be able to have again, but that scares me because I am afraid if I gain even one pound I am not going to be able to have surgery on the 10th. So I don’t think that I am going to be doing it.
This morning I was watching the Today show with my father and they had Ron Lester on, he played Billy Bob in the Movie Varsity Blues, he had a Gastric Bypass and he looks fabulous. He weighed 508 lbs; he lost 315lbs to weigh 193. Wow I am looking forward to the loss. I can’t wait.
Thank you for the support and reading my blog!
Ronda Gardner
Here are before and after picuters of Ron Lester. He looks fabulous! He is an insoiration to me too keep on keeping on!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Some of My Deepest Secret Thoughts
I am going to share a poem with you that I wrote a few years back; this is before I started weight watchers and started loosing weight. I hated myself and the way that I felt; I hated how the workd Steriotypes every one who is differant and not there idea of perfact. This is what I wrote one night to get the feelign of self loathing and frustrations at every one and every thing.
No one understands me,
And the way I feel inside.
I'm hiding in a cocoon,
And I'm running blind.
I hate myself that way I am
I hate the world with its ideas,
And the message that it sends
I wish that I could just fade away.
I want to feel differently,
But I'm finding it very hard.
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs,
But no one around me can hear.
Knives are slitting at my wrist,
And I've got shards of glass in my heart.
Is that why I feel dead inside,
Emotionally I'm falling apart.
I'm mentally unstable,
This I'm willing too admitted.
I'm sorry that I feel this way,
I'm sorry I'm such a bitch.
I wish that I felt differently,
I wish that I wasn't in such pain.
I know I'm making you hate me,
I'll get better, just give me some space.
I need my time to cope,
With all these thoughts in my head
Don't push me to be what I can't,
Just love me and be by my side.
Right now I need a friend,
Some one I know who will be there.
Some one I know I can talk too,
Who will lend a listening ear!
So please understand when I say this,
It not you why I'm trying too hide.
It's from my self and the world around me,
With its pointing and Judgmental eyes!
Self love is something I don't have,
For you I feel nothing but.
I promise I'll come around soon,
I don't know why I'm so scared.
I'm running from a shadow,
One I've created myself.
I can't get away from my torment,
It knows my every thought.
HELP ME! Can you hear my pleas?
Why won't you go away?
You know what I want and need,
I'm struggling and fighting,
From these feelings I can't escape.
I think that I'm close too insane!
My chest is tight, I'm feeling anxious,
AM I MAD?????
Looks at these things that I am saying,
This really can't be good.
I think may be I need some help,
I think that I'd better get it soon!
Ronda May
Jan 12, 2003
No one understands me,
And the way I feel inside.
I'm hiding in a cocoon,
And I'm running blind.
I hate myself that way I am
I hate the world with its ideas,
And the message that it sends
I wish that I could just fade away.
I want to feel differently,
But I'm finding it very hard.
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs,
But no one around me can hear.
Knives are slitting at my wrist,
And I've got shards of glass in my heart.
Is that why I feel dead inside,
Emotionally I'm falling apart.
I'm mentally unstable,
This I'm willing too admitted.
I'm sorry that I feel this way,
I'm sorry I'm such a bitch.
I wish that I felt differently,
I wish that I wasn't in such pain.
I know I'm making you hate me,
I'll get better, just give me some space.
I need my time to cope,
With all these thoughts in my head
Don't push me to be what I can't,
Just love me and be by my side.
Right now I need a friend,
Some one I know who will be there.
Some one I know I can talk too,
Who will lend a listening ear!
So please understand when I say this,
It not you why I'm trying too hide.
It's from my self and the world around me,
With its pointing and Judgmental eyes!
Self love is something I don't have,
For you I feel nothing but.
I promise I'll come around soon,
I don't know why I'm so scared.
I'm running from a shadow,
One I've created myself.
I can't get away from my torment,
It knows my every thought.
HELP ME! Can you hear my pleas?
Why won't you go away?
You know what I want and need,
I'm struggling and fighting,
From these feelings I can't escape.
I think that I'm close too insane!
My chest is tight, I'm feeling anxious,
AM I MAD?????
Looks at these things that I am saying,
This really can't be good.
I think may be I need some help,
I think that I'd better get it soon!
Ronda May
Jan 12, 2003
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I Have a Date!
I don't have time to make a long post, but I have to let every one know that I lost 2.5 pounds and I have a surgery date!
I am schedualed for surgery on March the 10th at 1:30 p.m, that give me a little over three weeks to loose 20 lbs and I can do I know that I can! Keep your fingers crossed and keep me in your prayers.
Thank you all for your support and prayers. I know that they are helping me more than you know!
Thanks!
Ronda
Happy Valentines Day!
I am schedualed for surgery on March the 10th at 1:30 p.m, that give me a little over three weeks to loose 20 lbs and I can do I know that I can! Keep your fingers crossed and keep me in your prayers.
Thank you all for your support and prayers. I know that they are helping me more than you know!
Thanks!
Ronda
Happy Valentines Day!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Serenity
God,
grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
A Heart Full of Love by Javan
Why can’t there be more foods available that are high in protein? This is very frustrating for me; I know that I can have all kinds of sea food, but the problem is I DON’T LIKE ALLOT OF SEA FOOD! Oh I am going to get through this but I think that I may be a vegan when this is over. So if any of you out there has some different ideas on foods that will give me more of a variety pleases, please, please let me know. I am whiling to try almost anything. Well I can’t have any fruits and only green Veggies.
Okay, I am done complaining. I want to share one of my favorite poems with all of; it is from a book called “A Heart Full of Love” by Javan.
Life is a time for learning.
We must learn that our Life is as important
As that of any other person on Earth,
But never more important. We must learn
That we have every right to Happiness,
Yet it is up to us to find and recognize it.
We must learn that Life is not easy
Nor is it permanent, others will come and go,
And often their departure will cause us pain.
We must learn to develop a positive attitude
That can handle Life's disappointments.
And we must learn that in order to find Love,
We must look inside our own Heart.
Fore if we can't find it within,
We will never find it without.
I have always had a hard time finding it in myself to love myself. I know that this is true, I am not completely happy with my self and it makes all other aspects of my life difficult. I am neither happy nor content with anything in my life. There are those people who make me happy that are out side the circle of misery but it is because they are not a constant in my life.
Again I want to thank all of you who read my blog every day, and post comments they really help me keep going. I know that all of us with love and support can reach for the stars and accomplish the desires of our hearts. You’re the strength and a rock in my life and feel so blessed to know all of you. I hope that you know I love you all and pray for the best for you!
Ronda
Okay, I am done complaining. I want to share one of my favorite poems with all of; it is from a book called “A Heart Full of Love” by Javan.
Life is a time for learning.
We must learn that our Life is as important
As that of any other person on Earth,
But never more important. We must learn
That we have every right to Happiness,
Yet it is up to us to find and recognize it.
We must learn that Life is not easy
Nor is it permanent, others will come and go,
And often their departure will cause us pain.
We must learn to develop a positive attitude
That can handle Life's disappointments.
And we must learn that in order to find Love,
We must look inside our own Heart.
Fore if we can't find it within,
We will never find it without.
I have always had a hard time finding it in myself to love myself. I know that this is true, I am not completely happy with my self and it makes all other aspects of my life difficult. I am neither happy nor content with anything in my life. There are those people who make me happy that are out side the circle of misery but it is because they are not a constant in my life.
Again I want to thank all of you who read my blog every day, and post comments they really help me keep going. I know that all of us with love and support can reach for the stars and accomplish the desires of our hearts. You’re the strength and a rock in my life and feel so blessed to know all of you. I hope that you know I love you all and pray for the best for you!
Ronda
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Another Day Closer!
I know that it has been a couple if days since I made a post, I really didn’t have a whole lot to say. It all felt like repetitive moaning to me and I don’t want my blog to come across that way.
I haven’t been feeling really great the last couple of days, but I think that I am trying to come down with something and my body is putting up a fight. I don’t want to get sick but if I do then I do and I will deal with along with everything else that I am going through at the moment. Last night I fell a sleep early slept till a little before eight, got up to go to the bath room at six and then slept in the recliner until nine. I think that I slept about 13 hours last night. I just did not feel good.
Well, I am still a little worried about weighing in again; I don’t know why! It isn’t like I’ve gone out and eaten anything that I want. I have been following my diet like I always have. Maybe it is because I don’t feel lose like I did the first week, that was amazing. I have been told that I look like I’ve lost some inches; if that is the case that is good too. They want my organs to shrink, as long as I can have surgery soon that is all that I care about.
I am trying to figure out what there is out there to eat to give me some variety. I think that is one of my problems is that I feel like I am being deprived. I know that I’m not; this is the choice that I have made it is my decision to have this surgery. Dr. Belnap has asked me to loose 40 lbs; I wish that I only had to loose 20 lbs I would almost be there.
I also think that I am getting ready to start my period and you women know how trying that can be, I am extremely concerned but I am going to get through this week and I am going to loose weight; even if it is only 2 lbs.
Thank you all for the support that you give to me and allowing me to whine and belly ache about how difficult this is. I know that it is only going to get better, I just have to stay strong keep my head up and before I know it I will have a surgery date!
Ronda
I haven’t been feeling really great the last couple of days, but I think that I am trying to come down with something and my body is putting up a fight. I don’t want to get sick but if I do then I do and I will deal with along with everything else that I am going through at the moment. Last night I fell a sleep early slept till a little before eight, got up to go to the bath room at six and then slept in the recliner until nine. I think that I slept about 13 hours last night. I just did not feel good.
Well, I am still a little worried about weighing in again; I don’t know why! It isn’t like I’ve gone out and eaten anything that I want. I have been following my diet like I always have. Maybe it is because I don’t feel lose like I did the first week, that was amazing. I have been told that I look like I’ve lost some inches; if that is the case that is good too. They want my organs to shrink, as long as I can have surgery soon that is all that I care about.
I am trying to figure out what there is out there to eat to give me some variety. I think that is one of my problems is that I feel like I am being deprived. I know that I’m not; this is the choice that I have made it is my decision to have this surgery. Dr. Belnap has asked me to loose 40 lbs; I wish that I only had to loose 20 lbs I would almost be there.
I also think that I am getting ready to start my period and you women know how trying that can be, I am extremely concerned but I am going to get through this week and I am going to loose weight; even if it is only 2 lbs.
Thank you all for the support that you give to me and allowing me to whine and belly ache about how difficult this is. I know that it is only going to get better, I just have to stay strong keep my head up and before I know it I will have a surgery date!
Ronda
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Ramblings
Today has been a good day! My doctor for my shoulder has changed my work description a little bit. He Doesn't want me to set sleeves all day long any more, because my shoulder just kills me when I do. So I move around and do differant jobs or diferant things that I can do on my machine. Well the reason for this little story is that since I started moving around my back is killing me; then my chair went and did something stupid and they are fixing it and my behind and thighs hurt because of the chair that I am sitting on. doesn't it seem like everything happens at the same time?
I know that everything that I am going through is only going to help me become a stronger and better person for it all. It is just getting through every thing, which I know that I can. It is just staying possitive, with all the love and support that I am getting it is making it allot easier.
I have noticed that it doesn't matter what size that you are, no one is happy with their apperance. The world has this standard that people have to fit into; and I think that it is horrible.
I know that in the past I have exprianced that you you do not look like Brittney Spears Or Christina Aguilera, men will not give you that time of day.
All I can say is that, if that is what I have to look like to get men or other people to give me that time of day, I don't want it. I don't need men to notice me, I have a good man that loves me and thinks that I am sexy. It makes me feel good to know that he loves me just as I am. He supports my decision to have Gastric Bypass surgery because he loves me and wants what it going to be good for me, to make he happy and healthier. Not that loosing weight will make me happy, but it is going to make life easier.
Besides that I have lived my whole life like this, I want to know what it is like to be on the other side of the fence. I want to know what I am going to look like skinny. I have always known that I was one day going to be thin, I just didn't know how it was going to happen. It is going to be nice to do every day things and not get tired, being able to walk up and down the stairs and not get winded. I would like to be able to go out and play Soccer with my nephews.
I love my Grandma Tom very much, she died when I was 4 years old. I don't remember her very well; but I do have memories of her. I know that she loved me and all of her other grandchildren very much. I also know that she would not want this kind of life for me, she would not want me to die at a young age like she did. She died at the age 45 and she weighed over 500 lbs. I am almost the spit image of my grandmother, and I am built exactly like her and to be honest with you it scares me.
Granted right now, my heart is very healthy; I have good cholesterol, my blood sugar is normal; blood preassure is perfect, and all of my organs work great. But you never know when you are going to develop these health problems. You never know when your heart is going to decide to give up! I want to live a long and healthy life. I do have some health problems and there are some days I would rather be dead than to deal with the poor digestive problems that I have.
Since Dr. Belnap has but me on the diet that I am currently on, I haven't had many of the problems that I normally have. I haven't had an upset stomach, or gas or diarreah. Except for that week that I ate bread, and I have now taken that out of my diet as well.
I know that this has been difficult to start, but I am looking forward to the future and everything that it has instore for me.
Thank you all for your continuing love and support
Ronda
I know that everything that I am going through is only going to help me become a stronger and better person for it all. It is just getting through every thing, which I know that I can. It is just staying possitive, with all the love and support that I am getting it is making it allot easier.
I have noticed that it doesn't matter what size that you are, no one is happy with their apperance. The world has this standard that people have to fit into; and I think that it is horrible.
I know that in the past I have exprianced that you you do not look like Brittney Spears Or Christina Aguilera, men will not give you that time of day.
All I can say is that, if that is what I have to look like to get men or other people to give me that time of day, I don't want it. I don't need men to notice me, I have a good man that loves me and thinks that I am sexy. It makes me feel good to know that he loves me just as I am. He supports my decision to have Gastric Bypass surgery because he loves me and wants what it going to be good for me, to make he happy and healthier. Not that loosing weight will make me happy, but it is going to make life easier.
Besides that I have lived my whole life like this, I want to know what it is like to be on the other side of the fence. I want to know what I am going to look like skinny. I have always known that I was one day going to be thin, I just didn't know how it was going to happen. It is going to be nice to do every day things and not get tired, being able to walk up and down the stairs and not get winded. I would like to be able to go out and play Soccer with my nephews.
I love my Grandma Tom very much, she died when I was 4 years old. I don't remember her very well; but I do have memories of her. I know that she loved me and all of her other grandchildren very much. I also know that she would not want this kind of life for me, she would not want me to die at a young age like she did. She died at the age 45 and she weighed over 500 lbs. I am almost the spit image of my grandmother, and I am built exactly like her and to be honest with you it scares me.
Granted right now, my heart is very healthy; I have good cholesterol, my blood sugar is normal; blood preassure is perfect, and all of my organs work great. But you never know when you are going to develop these health problems. You never know when your heart is going to decide to give up! I want to live a long and healthy life. I do have some health problems and there are some days I would rather be dead than to deal with the poor digestive problems that I have.
Since Dr. Belnap has but me on the diet that I am currently on, I haven't had many of the problems that I normally have. I haven't had an upset stomach, or gas or diarreah. Except for that week that I ate bread, and I have now taken that out of my diet as well.
I know that this has been difficult to start, but I am looking forward to the future and everything that it has instore for me.
Thank you all for your continuing love and support
Ronda
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Seriously Sleep Deprived
I know that any weight loss is good, but it is a little Disappointing when one week you have a bug loss and then the next it is small. I lost 3 pounds this last week, and I'm not really disapointed I was just hoping that it would have been a little bit more.
I am not having a good day either, I didn't go to bed until almost one this morning. I am just really tired.
I decided on my way home from the hospital that I am going to go through my food journal; I am going to look at what I did the first week, see what I did the second week and make the changes that I need too; to make a differance in weightloss next week. I want to have surgery before the end of the month, and I am going to if it kills me. It may just kill me if I don't get used to the way that I am eating right now.
Well I am going to keep this one short, thank you for your support. Right now I need it, I don't like feeling down but I also know that it happens once in a while. I love all of you!
Thanks,
Ronda
I am not having a good day either, I didn't go to bed until almost one this morning. I am just really tired.
I decided on my way home from the hospital that I am going to go through my food journal; I am going to look at what I did the first week, see what I did the second week and make the changes that I need too; to make a differance in weightloss next week. I want to have surgery before the end of the month, and I am going to if it kills me. It may just kill me if I don't get used to the way that I am eating right now.
Well I am going to keep this one short, thank you for your support. Right now I need it, I don't like feeling down but I also know that it happens once in a while. I love all of you!
Thanks,
Ronda
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
I Need Some Sleep!
I am very tiered today! But I have been trying to kick it up a notch and the last couple of days I have been eating NO carbs; and let me tell you that it is very hard. I have been very dizzy and nauseated, but when I go up to weigh I want to have a big loss again. I know that if I don't have a big loss it is okay I will eventually loose the 40 lbs that I need too. I am doing really good.
I am still craving Wendy's, and I don't know why. When I eat there I get really sick so it makes no since to me. May be I need to go and eat there and allow my self to get sick and then I will get it out of my system. It is the beef that I am craving, I haven't had allot of it lately. I have been sticking to Chicken and Turkey and tuna mostly.
I am doing good right now, I feel good and possitive and I know that I am going to succeed. All of the possitive comments and feed back that I am getting is really helping allot. Melanie, Debbie I know that we can do this together, we can keep in touch and just give moral support to one another. I know that having a strong support group really helps almost more than anything.
Thank You so much! I love all of you
Ronda
Here is a fun picture from last year on Hallies Birthday.
From left to right: Shawna, Shawnelle, Sarah, Ronda and Hallie!
I am still craving Wendy's, and I don't know why. When I eat there I get really sick so it makes no since to me. May be I need to go and eat there and allow my self to get sick and then I will get it out of my system. It is the beef that I am craving, I haven't had allot of it lately. I have been sticking to Chicken and Turkey and tuna mostly.
I am doing good right now, I feel good and possitive and I know that I am going to succeed. All of the possitive comments and feed back that I am getting is really helping allot. Melanie, Debbie I know that we can do this together, we can keep in touch and just give moral support to one another. I know that having a strong support group really helps almost more than anything.
Thank You so much! I love all of you
Ronda
Here is a fun picture from last year on Hallies Birthday.
From left to right: Shawna, Shawnelle, Sarah, Ronda and Hallie!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Feeling A Little Down
I know that when I decided to have this Surgery that it was not going to be an easy road. I knew that it was going to be a long hard journey, but that in the end it is going to be worth it.
Now that I am approved and preparing for surgery, I am getting impatient I want to be able to do it tomorrow. But I know as much as any body else that loosing 40 pounds isn't always easy. Even though so far I am doing really good.
I am starting to have a hard time dealing with the way that I am having to eat right now. There aren't allot of choices. I am getting sick of meats; and if I eat eggs allot I am going to get sick of them. I have been eating alot of cottage cheese, cheese and yogarts, and raw almonds. OMG if I eat one more raw almond I just may scream. I like almonds, they are actually really good for you, but as for eating them raw it is very difficult for me.
Right now I just want to go out and blow my diet to all hell, and just eat what ever it is that I want. But I know that doing that isn't going to help me any. I need to stay strong and fight the temptations of the food that every one around me is eating. I beat the craving for Wendy's this weekend, and let me tell you, it was not easy. But if I can do that, then I can do anything.
This is what I really want and now that I am this close I do not want to do anything to put me back any. It is really helping me allot that I have so many wonderful friends and family, that are behind me. Who have given me there complete support through this whole process, and it means allot too me. Thank you all for all your love and support, your words of encouragment and love are helping to puch me through this time in my life.
Yesterday afternoon as I was preparing myself something to eat, my neice was in the kitchen with me and we were talking about my surgery. Hallie is 6 (soon to be 7) and is trying very hard to understand what I am getting ready to do. She is very excited that I am going to be able to become a healthier and happier person. While she was in the kitchen she asked me "Aunt Ronda, what if you die during surgery?"
Well I never thought that she had these kinds of thoughts. I told her that I wasn't going to die, but that if I did; that only means that it is my time to return home to my Heavenly Father. But I promised her that I am not going to die.
My chances of going to bed one night and not waking up again, because of my Severe Sleep Apnea are allot greater than from having this surgery. I told her that what I am doing, is only going to help me live a longer life. She is so sweet, she is afraid that the Dr. Belnap is going to take something out and forget to put it back in. So I am not going to explain to her what they are going to do to me, until she is a lot older and can comprehend what the procedure intales.
Okay, I think that I am feeling a little better. I need to stay strong and remember that I can do anything that I put my mind to.
One of my favorite quotes: Remember a journey of one thousand miles begines with one step!
Now that I am approved and preparing for surgery, I am getting impatient I want to be able to do it tomorrow. But I know as much as any body else that loosing 40 pounds isn't always easy. Even though so far I am doing really good.
I am starting to have a hard time dealing with the way that I am having to eat right now. There aren't allot of choices. I am getting sick of meats; and if I eat eggs allot I am going to get sick of them. I have been eating alot of cottage cheese, cheese and yogarts, and raw almonds. OMG if I eat one more raw almond I just may scream. I like almonds, they are actually really good for you, but as for eating them raw it is very difficult for me.
Right now I just want to go out and blow my diet to all hell, and just eat what ever it is that I want. But I know that doing that isn't going to help me any. I need to stay strong and fight the temptations of the food that every one around me is eating. I beat the craving for Wendy's this weekend, and let me tell you, it was not easy. But if I can do that, then I can do anything.
This is what I really want and now that I am this close I do not want to do anything to put me back any. It is really helping me allot that I have so many wonderful friends and family, that are behind me. Who have given me there complete support through this whole process, and it means allot too me. Thank you all for all your love and support, your words of encouragment and love are helping to puch me through this time in my life.
Yesterday afternoon as I was preparing myself something to eat, my neice was in the kitchen with me and we were talking about my surgery. Hallie is 6 (soon to be 7) and is trying very hard to understand what I am getting ready to do. She is very excited that I am going to be able to become a healthier and happier person. While she was in the kitchen she asked me "Aunt Ronda, what if you die during surgery?"
Well I never thought that she had these kinds of thoughts. I told her that I wasn't going to die, but that if I did; that only means that it is my time to return home to my Heavenly Father. But I promised her that I am not going to die.
My chances of going to bed one night and not waking up again, because of my Severe Sleep Apnea are allot greater than from having this surgery. I told her that what I am doing, is only going to help me live a longer life. She is so sweet, she is afraid that the Dr. Belnap is going to take something out and forget to put it back in. So I am not going to explain to her what they are going to do to me, until she is a lot older and can comprehend what the procedure intales.
Okay, I think that I am feeling a little better. I need to stay strong and remember that I can do anything that I put my mind to.
One of my favorite quotes: Remember a journey of one thousand miles begines with one step!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Bread - An Evil Food
I have been doing really good on my diet, but the first week that I was on it I noticed that I didn't have an upset stomach, no gas I felt really good.
This week; I haven't been feeling so good, I have had an upset stomach all week. I was thinking and trying to figure out what I was doing differant, when I realized that it is because I have added Bread back to my diet. Granted it is home made whole wheat bread, it still has Gluten in it. I need to be tested for Celiac's Disease, but if I cut bread out of my diet again they wont be able to find it. So I don't know what to do.
So I think that I am going to cut it back out for now, and start eating the way I did the first week on my diet. It is really nice not too feel sick to my stomach and I felt really good. I have a lot of stomach and digestive problems and I wish that I didn't, but I get them from my mom and grandma.
I am almost disapointed in my self even though I know I shouldn't be. I feel like I am not doing well because I AM feeling sick, I feel like I am doing something wrong. I just need to look back at last week and re-evaluate what I am doing this week and change things. I am going to pray hard that I still loose this week. I am thinking about going to the GoodEarth and by some Aloe Vera, theirs is concentrated and it works better and you take less of it.
I need to listen to my body, it will tell me what it needs and doesn't need. And it is definatly telling me that it does not need bread. Right now it is telling me that it wants wendy's and I am fighting the craving really bad. I think that I just need the fat, I have been cutting out all most all of my fats and I was told that, I need some and that it isn't good to cut them all out.
AAHHH I am going to beat this craving, if I can pass up "Better Than Sex" cake and "Cheese Cake" I can conquore this one.
Thanks for letting me ramble, and for all of the great comments and words of Encouragment. I really means a lot to me!
Ronda
This week; I haven't been feeling so good, I have had an upset stomach all week. I was thinking and trying to figure out what I was doing differant, when I realized that it is because I have added Bread back to my diet. Granted it is home made whole wheat bread, it still has Gluten in it. I need to be tested for Celiac's Disease, but if I cut bread out of my diet again they wont be able to find it. So I don't know what to do.
So I think that I am going to cut it back out for now, and start eating the way I did the first week on my diet. It is really nice not too feel sick to my stomach and I felt really good. I have a lot of stomach and digestive problems and I wish that I didn't, but I get them from my mom and grandma.
I am almost disapointed in my self even though I know I shouldn't be. I feel like I am not doing well because I AM feeling sick, I feel like I am doing something wrong. I just need to look back at last week and re-evaluate what I am doing this week and change things. I am going to pray hard that I still loose this week. I am thinking about going to the GoodEarth and by some Aloe Vera, theirs is concentrated and it works better and you take less of it.
I need to listen to my body, it will tell me what it needs and doesn't need. And it is definatly telling me that it does not need bread. Right now it is telling me that it wants wendy's and I am fighting the craving really bad. I think that I just need the fat, I have been cutting out all most all of my fats and I was told that, I need some and that it isn't good to cut them all out.
AAHHH I am going to beat this craving, if I can pass up "Better Than Sex" cake and "Cheese Cake" I can conquore this one.
Thanks for letting me ramble, and for all of the great comments and words of Encouragment. I really means a lot to me!
Ronda
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