Another New Year…..

As another year comes to a close, there is a lot to look back and reflect on. This has been a year for new beginnings and tragic endings.

The one thing that has been on my mind of late is the lost of my best friend Jackie Hutchison. Her death was not a surprise or at that a shock; I knew the summer of 2008 while she was in Utah visiting that she wouldn’t be with us passed a year. Since she had her daughter Emma Jo, her health went down her. She worked as a nurse for many years and had injured her back in a car accident thirteen fourteen years ago. When she had her daughter when they put the Epidural in her back they did something wrong and finished completing the damage too her back.

She had back surgery to repair her bulging disc, (L4) they put a rod in her back and fussed it. That did not do anything to help her; in fact, it made her problems worse. I watched her go in for spinal blocks that didn’t do much to help her, and then watched her health decline even more when she started with a pain clinic. In the end, they had her on so many different pain meds that her body couldn’t handle them. Gastric Bypass patients bodies don’t absorb everything, it mal absorbs everything and on July 19, 2009 her poor body said no more and her heart just stopped. When they got her death certificate cause of death was from a high toxicology.

I love her very deeply and feel her lose very strongly in my life. We had not talked in almost a year when she died and I would give anything to go back in time and fix things between us. I also didn’t get to say goodbye to my best friends so I didn’t get to have that closure you get from going to a funeral. I know that I cannot and there is no use in regretting the past; it does no good to deal on what can’t be changed. I have told her that I love her and that I am sorry about everything that happened between us and have faith that no of that matters any longer, what is past is past.

I have watched the health of other people that I am close to decline; they are fighting a strong battle to regain strength to continue with life as normal. I have lost a few friends but have made many new friends that have made a major difference in my life. I have learned over the last few months who my real friends are and who my fair weather friends are. I have discovered a lot of about my self over the past year.

Take my back for example; I did not think that I would ever be able to deal with what Jackie was going through. Now I am heading down the same path that Jackie was on when she died, they want too send me to a pain clinic. Dr. Clifford thinks that I would benefit from it, but the thing that scares me about it is that they deal with many pain meds, and I really cannot handle many pain meds and do not really want them either.

I trust Dr. Clifford with my life and will consult with him about my treatment, he works at the pain clinic I will be going to and will be able to work with the doctor I will be seeing very closely. I think that it could be a good thing; I am waiting to see what Sedgwick is going to let me do. All I know is that I am in a lot of pain and that something needs too be done about my back; I cannot handle much more.

I have a bulging disc at 7 mm and four herniated disc about that, and am constantly in pain. There are days I can barely stand up and walk I am in that much pain and I find inner strength to push forward and keep going. I will keep all of you updated over the following year about my back and what is being done, I am thinking about looking into the surgical route.

I have had many trials this year but overall it has been a good year. I am starting to think about the goals that I am going to set for my self for 2010, lets see if I can see them through. Maybe if I blog about each goal when I accomplish it, it will keep me honest and going . I hope that 2009 was good for all of you and that 2010 will be even better.

See you in 2010 I love you all thank you for the love and support!