I've been thinking a lot the last little while about a lot of different things; and I am a little concerned that now since I have had this surgery and lost all of this weight that I am going to develop an eating disorder. I know that right now I get major guilty feelings when I eat something that maybe isn't a good food choice. There are times that I think that maybe if I just throw up that my body wont register that it was ever there and that every thing will be fine.
Let me say this, I am not going and eating what ever I want and how much that I want. I am still trying very hard not to stretch my pouch; I still have seventy pounds that I want to loose and I don't want to have to fight to get it off. I am going to succeed at this surgery and I want to be the best me that I can be. I am trying really hard to not worry about how my friends are doing and concerning my self with MY WEIGHT LOSS; because that is all that is important.
I sit and watch people who have had the surgery and I see how they eat and how much they eat; I am really surprised that they have lost as much as they have. I know what I have been taught, I know what my body can handle and I am doing what I know that I need to do.
I went to the library this morning and I had an experience that made me feel really good. Our local library has a security guard 24 hours a day; and to day when I walked in he glanced up at me like they normally do; but to day he took a double look and smiled at me and watched me walk into the library. It made me feel so good about myself; and the changes that I have under gone since I've lost my weight. To tell you the honest truth it made me feel very sexy and I really liked it. People tell me all the time that I am being noticed by men when we go out places; but once in a while I notice it my self and it makes me feel great.
I want every one to know that I am very happy with the choices that I have made for my self and that I am very glad that I choice to have this surgery. My quality of life is so much better than it use to be, I never thought that I would ever feel this good about myself. I am thinking about taking up speeding walking; I never thought that my mom would have to keep up with me when we are at the grocery store, but she does and it is a great feeling.
I love you all; the love and support that I get from all of you is amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Much love
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Woo Hoo five More Pounds...
Well I don't know if it is just time for me too loose a little more weight; or if it the green tea tablets that I am taking but I am down five more pounds. I am very happy I am not getting my hopes up about being over my plateau yet but I am on the right track again!
I am getting my hair cut tomorrow and I will take a pic and post it on my blog but if I don't say so my self my new hair cut is dang cute!
I am getting my hair cut tomorrow and I will take a pic and post it on my blog but if I don't say so my self my new hair cut is dang cute!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I’m Proud to Be an American
Today I’m filled with pride for our country and the growth that we have made as Americans. I remember when I was a little girl when Jessie Jackson ran for President; and whatever one said about having an African American as President. They would always say that we would never see it happen.
Therefore, when Barack Obama announced his candidacy for office I am not sure what I thought about it. However, I listened to what all of the candidate had to say and I liked what I heard from Obama; But when I said that I liked Obama word spread like a wild fire and I was attacked from all sides. I felt that I did not have the right to think for my self. There are many rumors out there that he is a Muslim; and that he was not a born U.S Citizen. There are pictures circulating were he is not saluting the flag of the United States; how do we know that all these things are true. The pictures are fixed and that you can tell if you look closely.
I am proud of the steps that we have taken as a country and I am glad that I was able to see it happen. We have become a stronger country because of it; and I feel that there is a since of equality in the events that have taken place. Obama’s speech was very powerful he talked about how sixty years ago his father would not have been served in a restaurant in this country and today he was sworn in as the 44th President of The United Stated of America.
There have been three Historical events happen in my lifetime; the fall of the Berlin Wall, Russia is now a Socialist country and is no longer run by a Dictator, and the swearing in of the First African American President. Dr Martin Luther King’s dreams have come true, and I think that Abraham Lincoln would be proud of what this country has become.
I look forward to the future to see what Barack Obama does for this country and all the great things that are to come. God Bless him in his term in office that he may be able to do the things that need to be done to make this country a better place to live; and to get this country back to what it was meant to be all those years ago.
Therefore, when Barack Obama announced his candidacy for office I am not sure what I thought about it. However, I listened to what all of the candidate had to say and I liked what I heard from Obama; But when I said that I liked Obama word spread like a wild fire and I was attacked from all sides. I felt that I did not have the right to think for my self. There are many rumors out there that he is a Muslim; and that he was not a born U.S Citizen. There are pictures circulating were he is not saluting the flag of the United States; how do we know that all these things are true. The pictures are fixed and that you can tell if you look closely.
I am proud of the steps that we have taken as a country and I am glad that I was able to see it happen. We have become a stronger country because of it; and I feel that there is a since of equality in the events that have taken place. Obama’s speech was very powerful he talked about how sixty years ago his father would not have been served in a restaurant in this country and today he was sworn in as the 44th President of The United Stated of America.
There have been three Historical events happen in my lifetime; the fall of the Berlin Wall, Russia is now a Socialist country and is no longer run by a Dictator, and the swearing in of the First African American President. Dr Martin Luther King’s dreams have come true, and I think that Abraham Lincoln would be proud of what this country has become.
I look forward to the future to see what Barack Obama does for this country and all the great things that are to come. God Bless him in his term in office that he may be able to do the things that need to be done to make this country a better place to live; and to get this country back to what it was meant to be all those years ago.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Just a Little Post...
I just thought that I would let every one know how I am doing. I am doing great, I am still at a plateau but I am ok with it because I am not gaining weight I am staying the same and it is giving my tummy skin time to catch up just a little bit. I am trying to get an appointment to get my hair cut, when I do I will post new pics because I have a stinking cute new hair cut I love it.
other than that all is well, I've been sick since Christmas but I am starting to feel some what human again. Life is good the world is beautiful and I couldn't ask for anything more (except for a vacation). I hope this finds all of you well!
Lots of love
other than that all is well, I've been sick since Christmas but I am starting to feel some what human again. Life is good the world is beautiful and I couldn't ask for anything more (except for a vacation). I hope this finds all of you well!
Lots of love
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Dying on the other end of the line
You tell me that we need to talk
And that it just can’t wait,
It seems some things have changed
There are some sacrifices to make.
After seven years of marriage
You say that you want out,
That you just don’t feel the same
That this is was life is about.
You tell me that there’s some one else
That makes you feel complete,
Gives you everything that you need
And knocks you off your feet.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
I loved you once, but not any more
As I die on the other end of the line.
I gave you everything I had
My heart, my life, my love;
I thought that I was the only one
That our love was sent from above.
You promised me forever
I gave my soul to you,
We ventured out together
To start a life brand new.
Now we have three children
Do you really think that they’ll understand?
That daddy doesn’t want us anymore,
That he left us for another man.
In all our years together
Who would have stopped to guess?
That you would ever leave me;
Taking the heart right out of my chest.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
You loved me once, but not anymore
As I die on the other end of the line.
I see that you’ve made your choice
There’s no use in asking you to stay,
You loved me once, but not anymore
My life will never be the same.
I realized now that it’s over
You’re finished saying goodbye!
I wonder what I’m going to do next
I feel like I’m dying inside.
You’re no longer on the phone
There’s only a dial tone in my ear,
Whispering those haunting words
That I never wanted to hear!
There was once I loved you
As tears filled up my eyes,
But I’m in love with a man
I can’t go on living this lie.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
I love you still, hung up the phone
And died on the other side of the line
Ronda Gardner
And that it just can’t wait,
It seems some things have changed
There are some sacrifices to make.
After seven years of marriage
You say that you want out,
That you just don’t feel the same
That this is was life is about.
You tell me that there’s some one else
That makes you feel complete,
Gives you everything that you need
And knocks you off your feet.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
I loved you once, but not any more
As I die on the other end of the line.
I gave you everything I had
My heart, my life, my love;
I thought that I was the only one
That our love was sent from above.
You promised me forever
I gave my soul to you,
We ventured out together
To start a life brand new.
Now we have three children
Do you really think that they’ll understand?
That daddy doesn’t want us anymore,
That he left us for another man.
In all our years together
Who would have stopped to guess?
That you would ever leave me;
Taking the heart right out of my chest.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
You loved me once, but not anymore
As I die on the other end of the line.
I see that you’ve made your choice
There’s no use in asking you to stay,
You loved me once, but not anymore
My life will never be the same.
I realized now that it’s over
You’re finished saying goodbye!
I wonder what I’m going to do next
I feel like I’m dying inside.
You’re no longer on the phone
There’s only a dial tone in my ear,
Whispering those haunting words
That I never wanted to hear!
There was once I loved you
As tears filled up my eyes,
But I’m in love with a man
I can’t go on living this lie.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
I love you still, hung up the phone
And died on the other side of the line
Ronda Gardner
Friday, January 16, 2009
Ronda... The Meaning of My Name!
* The name of Ronda gives you a clever, quick, analytical mind, but you suffer with a great deal of self-consciousness, lack of confidence, and much aloneness because of misunderstandings.
* Your idealistic and sensitive nature gives you a deep appreciation for the finer things of life and a strong desire to be of service to humanity.
* There are times when you experience inner turbulence at your inability to say what you mean.
* It is far easier for you to express your deeper thoughts and feelings through writing than verbally.
* You find pleasure in literature, in poetry, and in your ideals and will turn to them when you feel you have been misunderstood.
* You are deeply moved by the beauties of life, especially nature.
* Although the name Ronda creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a moody disposition.
* This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs and bronchial area.
* Your idealistic and sensitive nature gives you a deep appreciation for the finer things of life and a strong desire to be of service to humanity.
* There are times when you experience inner turbulence at your inability to say what you mean.
* It is far easier for you to express your deeper thoughts and feelings through writing than verbally.
* You find pleasure in literature, in poetry, and in your ideals and will turn to them when you feel you have been misunderstood.
* You are deeply moved by the beauties of life, especially nature.
* Although the name Ronda creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a moody disposition.
* This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs and bronchial area.
What Type of Beauty Are You?
You Are an Exotic Beauty! |
 No matter what your ethnic background, you've got a unique look And your one of a kind beauty makes an imprint in every man's mind You hardly ever wear the same outfit twice, and your hair is always changing As a result, your look is always new and fresh - never outdated or stale |
What Kind of Wine Are You?
You Are Chardonnay |
 Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality. You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex. You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular. Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!). Deep down you are: Dependable and modest Your partying style: Understated and polite Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat |
Monday, January 12, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Trying to be a Better Person
I blogged earlier about not believing in making new years resolutions; no one ever keeps them and it is pointless. I know that I want to become a better and stronger person this year.
Therefore, this is what I am going to do this year; I am going to live every day as if it were the last. I am going to better everyday than I was the day before, I just want to be a stronger person, I want to be able to handle my trials (problems since surgery) and be able deal with them. I do not want to let them effect me any longer. I am going to go back on the diet I was on right after I had surgery; and all the foods that make me sick are no longer going to a part of my diet.
This is my life, I am taking control of the wheel, and it is going to be good. I am just tired letting everything control me and it is time that I take that control back. I will keep all of you updated on my progress and how I am doing through out the year. I am going to loose 80 more pounds and be fabulous at the beginning of 2010! Keep watching for the new me!
I love all of you and thanks for the love and support!
Therefore, this is what I am going to do this year; I am going to live every day as if it were the last. I am going to better everyday than I was the day before, I just want to be a stronger person, I want to be able to handle my trials (problems since surgery) and be able deal with them. I do not want to let them effect me any longer. I am going to go back on the diet I was on right after I had surgery; and all the foods that make me sick are no longer going to a part of my diet.
This is my life, I am taking control of the wheel, and it is going to be good. I am just tired letting everything control me and it is time that I take that control back. I will keep all of you updated on my progress and how I am doing through out the year. I am going to loose 80 more pounds and be fabulous at the beginning of 2010! Keep watching for the new me!
I love all of you and thanks for the love and support!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
Trying To Make a Fresh Start...
I have made contact with an old friend and I am trying to fix the mess that I made so many years ago; she was really one of my best friends and I have really missed her through the years. I pray that as she thinks about things and does some soul searching that she kind find it in her self to be friends with me again. There are so many things that I want to talk to her about and so many things that I want want to share with her.
I miss the conversations that we used to have; we had some good times together. Years ago when we ended our friendship I took all the cards and pictures that we took together and was going to throw them a way. I am so glad that I didn't now; I can't tell you how good I feel since I contacted her it is a good feeling to think that I am doing something good, that I am trying to right a wrong and no matter how this turns out I know that I did the right thing and my heart can rest easy. I miss her friendship a lot and will be very happy to have it back; if that is how it turns out.
I miss the conversations that we used to have; we had some good times together. Years ago when we ended our friendship I took all the cards and pictures that we took together and was going to throw them a way. I am so glad that I didn't now; I can't tell you how good I feel since I contacted her it is a good feeling to think that I am doing something good, that I am trying to right a wrong and no matter how this turns out I know that I did the right thing and my heart can rest easy. I miss her friendship a lot and will be very happy to have it back; if that is how it turns out.
Friday, January 2, 2009
New Beginnings and New Years Resolutions
I do not really believe in making new years resolutions; No one ever completes them or does what they say that they are going to do. Therefore, my thinking is why bother! I do like to set goals for my self-things that I would like to see my self-do. Things that will help me become a better person or just goals to read so many books or simple-minded things like that.
I am excited to see what the New Year has in store for Mark, I, and our marriage. There are things that I do want to accomplish and goals that I have set for my self; I want to loose the last eighty pounds that I have left too loose. I know that I have said this before; but after having the last week and a half off from work, I have played and toyed with my diet to see what it is that is making me sick. I have narrowed it done and it comes down to this; sugar, greasy foods, milk, and carbohydrates make me REALLY sick. So this is what I have decided, I am going back to the basics I am going to follow the diet that I was first on right after surgery. I am going to start doing palates four times a week; and really try to focus on getting more water into my system every day. I cannot believe how sick you get when you are not drinking enough water.
There is one thing that I am worried about; I have had several positive H Pillory test and I have learned that since I had my bypass that patients that suffer from that are at high risk for stomach cancer. Therefore, my question is, if I were to develop stomach cancer would they find it. The majority of my stomach is no longer hooked up to anything. It is just hanging out in my abdomen; so will the doctors notice it through blood test or some thing if I were to get it. However, I am not concerned about it that I am obsessing over it; it is just something that I have thought about it a couple times since I heard it on the news!
There is one New Years resolution that I am making for my self; and every one might think that it is funny but it is something that I want to do. I want to read 200 books this year! I work in production and I sit and listen to music or books all day so that is what I am working towards this year. I think that I can do it between reading at home and listening to books at work. I am also going to discover new authors and classic literature; and Great America Novels. I love reading and wait to see what I can discover.
Well I am done rambling for now; I am off to the store and to get some stuff done. I love you all and appreciate the love and support that all of you have shown me you have helped to make my journey and transition easier.
Much Love!
I am excited to see what the New Year has in store for Mark, I, and our marriage. There are things that I do want to accomplish and goals that I have set for my self; I want to loose the last eighty pounds that I have left too loose. I know that I have said this before; but after having the last week and a half off from work, I have played and toyed with my diet to see what it is that is making me sick. I have narrowed it done and it comes down to this; sugar, greasy foods, milk, and carbohydrates make me REALLY sick. So this is what I have decided, I am going back to the basics I am going to follow the diet that I was first on right after surgery. I am going to start doing palates four times a week; and really try to focus on getting more water into my system every day. I cannot believe how sick you get when you are not drinking enough water.
There is one thing that I am worried about; I have had several positive H Pillory test and I have learned that since I had my bypass that patients that suffer from that are at high risk for stomach cancer. Therefore, my question is, if I were to develop stomach cancer would they find it. The majority of my stomach is no longer hooked up to anything. It is just hanging out in my abdomen; so will the doctors notice it through blood test or some thing if I were to get it. However, I am not concerned about it that I am obsessing over it; it is just something that I have thought about it a couple times since I heard it on the news!
There is one New Years resolution that I am making for my self; and every one might think that it is funny but it is something that I want to do. I want to read 200 books this year! I work in production and I sit and listen to music or books all day so that is what I am working towards this year. I think that I can do it between reading at home and listening to books at work. I am also going to discover new authors and classic literature; and Great America Novels. I love reading and wait to see what I can discover.
Well I am done rambling for now; I am off to the store and to get some stuff done. I love you all and appreciate the love and support that all of you have shown me you have helped to make my journey and transition easier.
Much Love!
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