Still Trying to Figure Things Out….

I have been a little concerned lately that my weight loss has been slow; I know that most of you think that I am crazy because it is May and I have lost 92 pounds, but the thing is, is my weight loss should be huge. I should be loosing crazy weight right now and despite what people think I am not loose that fast.

I went to the gym yesterday morning and I think that I at 12 grams of protein and 20 calories; well while I was at the gym I burned over three hundred calories and I thought that I was going to die yesterday. I would eat something and it seemed like that with in a couple of hours my body was telling me that I need more full. I was not hungry but I needed fuel because I was weak. So I called my friend Jackie and we were talking and she said that it sounds like my body is in starvation mode and that if I don’t get out of that mode I am going to be a slow looser and I will not hit my goal in a year. I am only allowed three meals a day and at each meal I am allowed two ounces of food; I think that I (even though my surgeon says avoid it) am going to start adding a protein shake to my diet. I may do two on the days that I go to the gym; because those are the days that I really suffer a lot.

I was watching a program the other day and they said that if you burn more calories than you eat in a day that you are guaranteed to loose weight. I love riding the exercise bike at the gym it is fun, I feel like I get a good work out and I feel good when I leave the gym. Yesterday I rode for an hour and ten minutes man was my face beat red when I was done. I was reading a article in a magazine that said find something that you enjoy doing and stick to it. Do that every time you work out; so I think that I am going to stick to the bike for a while, besides I can read while I am on the bike and that will help me go through some of the books that I am reading. Last year I read one hundred and fifty books this year I want to read more than that but I don’t think that it is going to happen. We will see; I also want to read more this year than last year, I only read thirty five and the rest were audio books so we will see what happens this year.

I just have a lot on my mind right now concerning the diet and getting enough calories and proteins and not being in starvation mode and just being able to be a big looser and being able to hit my goal. This has always been my dream to loose my weight and to be able to be the best and healthiest person that I can be. Right now I am just afraid that it may not happen; I want to be under two hundred I don’t care if I only get down to a hundred and ninety that is better than anything I have ever been.

I feel like I deserve this; I deserve the best that life can give me; but it is very difficult and I am going to earn every pound that I loose. I heard people say all the time that having a gastric bypass is the cheaters way out to loosing weight; but I have to tell you that is by far the hardest way I have ever lost weight in my life. I have try many different diets and never have I felt as deprived as I do right now. It is funny because I don’t want candy or ice cream or stuff like that; I am craving fruits and vegetables and I still have to be easy with what I eat. My mom things that it might be because summer is coming and during the summer time we eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. They want me to wait till I am about four months out before I start adding raw vegetables; I am not sure when I can start adding fresh fruit. I need to call the surgeons office tomorrow and ask a few questions; there are some things that I am a little curious about.

I want to be a success story! I want people to look at me and say wow if she can do it then so can I. I have read so many stories the last week that have opened my eyes and made me thing wow if that person can loose that much weight then I can loose what I have to loose; I don’t have nearly as much. But I need to start learning how to listen to my body and give it what it needs; because right now I am not doing to well.

Oh I have noticed that the last few weeks I want to be out side and in the sun. My body is craving the sun light and it is crazy; some one told me that you get some vitamins and minerals from the sun maybe that is why but my body just soaks it up when I am out that. I don’t mind being a little more either; I absolutely can not stand getting cold any more which is crazy in its self.

Well these are just a few of the things that are on my mind right now; if I went on with everything this post would be about fifteen pages and not all of what I am thinking is that important. Thank you all for the love and support it means a lot too me. This journey is one of the most difficult that I have been on and I am glad that I have family and friends that support me and love me and are willing to help through the good and bad times. It means a lot to me; I love you all and god bless you this week!

Ciao