I am going to share a poem with you that I wrote a few years back; this is before I started weight watchers and started loosing weight. I hated myself and the way that I felt; I hated how the workd Steriotypes every one who is differant and not there idea of perfact. This is what I wrote one night to get the feelign of self loathing and frustrations at every one and every thing.
No one understands me,
And the way I feel inside.
I'm hiding in a cocoon,
And I'm running blind.
I hate myself that way I am
I hate the world with its ideas,
And the message that it sends
I wish that I could just fade away.
I want to feel differently,
But I'm finding it very hard.
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs,
But no one around me can hear.
Knives are slitting at my wrist,
And I've got shards of glass in my heart.
Is that why I feel dead inside,
Emotionally I'm falling apart.
I'm mentally unstable,
This I'm willing too admitted.
I'm sorry that I feel this way,
I'm sorry I'm such a bitch.
I wish that I felt differently,
I wish that I wasn't in such pain.
I know I'm making you hate me,
I'll get better, just give me some space.
I need my time to cope,
With all these thoughts in my head
Don't push me to be what I can't,
Just love me and be by my side.
Right now I need a friend,
Some one I know who will be there.
Some one I know I can talk too,
Who will lend a listening ear!
So please understand when I say this,
It not you why I'm trying too hide.
It's from my self and the world around me,
With its pointing and Judgmental eyes!
Self love is something I don't have,
For you I feel nothing but.
I promise I'll come around soon,
I don't know why I'm so scared.
I'm running from a shadow,
One I've created myself.
I can't get away from my torment,
It knows my every thought.
HELP ME! Can you hear my pleas?
Why won't you go away?
You know what I want and need,
I'm struggling and fighting,
From these feelings I can't escape.
I think that I'm close too insane!
My chest is tight, I'm feeling anxious,
AM I MAD?????
Looks at these things that I am saying,
This really can't be good.
I think may be I need some help,
I think that I'd better get it soon!
Ronda May
Jan 12, 2003
1 comment:
Wow that is deep! I can understand though. I have struggled with depression and anxiety throughout most of my life. I have always struggled with my weight and I feel that has played a role in the times I sink into my black hole. I hope you truley know that you are a beautiful person regardless of your weight. I know it is hard to love yourself I still haven't found that myself but you have to know that you are loved and you are a beautiful person. I think more people than we realize have a hard time loving themselves. Hopefully, as hard as it is, we all can work on loving ourselves. Keep up the good work. Your surgery will be here before you know it and you will have a chance to become a new you:)
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