Ramblings

Today has been a good day! My doctor for my shoulder has changed my work description a little bit. He Doesn't want me to set sleeves all day long any more, because my shoulder just kills me when I do. So I move around and do differant jobs or diferant things that I can do on my machine. Well the reason for this little story is that since I started moving around my back is killing me; then my chair went and did something stupid and they are fixing it and my behind and thighs hurt because of the chair that I am sitting on. doesn't it seem like everything happens at the same time?

I know that everything that I am going through is only going to help me become a stronger and better person for it all. It is just getting through every thing, which I know that I can. It is just staying possitive, with all the love and support that I am getting it is making it allot easier.

I have noticed that it doesn't matter what size that you are, no one is happy with their apperance. The world has this standard that people have to fit into; and I think that it is horrible.

I know that in the past I have exprianced that you you do not look like Brittney Spears Or Christina Aguilera, men will not give you that time of day.


All I can say is that, if that is what I have to look like to get men or other people to give me that time of day, I don't want it. I don't need men to notice me, I have a good man that loves me and thinks that I am sexy. It makes me feel good to know that he loves me just as I am. He supports my decision to have Gastric Bypass surgery because he loves me and wants what it going to be good for me, to make he happy and healthier. Not that loosing weight will make me happy, but it is going to make life easier.

Besides that I have lived my whole life like this, I want to know what it is like to be on the other side of the fence. I want to know what I am going to look like skinny. I have always known that I was one day going to be thin, I just didn't know how it was going to happen. It is going to be nice to do every day things and not get tired, being able to walk up and down the stairs and not get winded. I would like to be able to go out and play Soccer with my nephews.


I love my Grandma Tom very much, she died when I was 4 years old. I don't remember her very well; but I do have memories of her. I know that she loved me and all of her other grandchildren very much. I also know that she would not want this kind of life for me, she would not want me to die at a young age like she did. She died at the age 45 and she weighed over 500 lbs. I am almost the spit image of my grandmother, and I am built exactly like her and to be honest with you it scares me.


Granted right now, my heart is very healthy; I have good cholesterol, my blood sugar is normal; blood preassure is perfect, and all of my organs work great. But you never know when you are going to develop these health problems. You never know when your heart is going to decide to give up! I want to live a long and healthy life. I do have some health problems and there are some days I would rather be dead than to deal with the poor digestive problems that I have.


Since Dr. Belnap has but me on the diet that I am currently on, I haven't had many of the problems that I normally have. I haven't had an upset stomach, or gas or diarreah. Except for that week that I ate bread, and I have now taken that out of my diet as well.


I know that this has been difficult to start, but I am looking forward to the future and everything that it has instore for me.
Thank you all for your continuing love and support
Ronda