Feeling A Little Down

I know that when I decided to have this Surgery that it was not going to be an easy road. I knew that it was going to be a long hard journey, but that in the end it is going to be worth it.

Now that I am approved and preparing for surgery, I am getting impatient I want to be able to do it tomorrow. But I know as much as any body else that loosing 40 pounds isn't always easy. Even though so far I am doing really good.

I am starting to have a hard time dealing with the way that I am having to eat right now. There aren't allot of choices. I am getting sick of meats; and if I eat eggs allot I am going to get sick of them. I have been eating alot of cottage cheese, cheese and yogarts, and raw almonds. OMG if I eat one more raw almond I just may scream. I like almonds, they are actually really good for you, but as for eating them raw it is very difficult for me.

Right now I just want to go out and blow my diet to all hell, and just eat what ever it is that I want. But I know that doing that isn't going to help me any. I need to stay strong and fight the temptations of the food that every one around me is eating. I beat the craving for Wendy's this weekend, and let me tell you, it was not easy. But if I can do that, then I can do anything.

This is what I really want and now that I am this close I do not want to do anything to put me back any. It is really helping me allot that I have so many wonderful friends and family, that are behind me. Who have given me there complete support through this whole process, and it means allot too me. Thank you all for all your love and support, your words of encouragment and love are helping to puch me through this time in my life.

Yesterday afternoon as I was preparing myself something to eat, my neice was in the kitchen with me and we were talking about my surgery. Hallie is 6 (soon to be 7) and is trying very hard to understand what I am getting ready to do. She is very excited that I am going to be able to become a healthier and happier person. While she was in the kitchen she asked me "Aunt Ronda, what if you die during surgery?"

Well I never thought that she had these kinds of thoughts. I told her that I wasn't going to die, but that if I did; that only means that it is my time to return home to my Heavenly Father. But I promised her that I am not going to die.

My chances of going to bed one night and not waking up again, because of my Severe Sleep Apnea are allot greater than from having this surgery. I told her that what I am doing, is only going to help me live a longer life. She is so sweet, she is afraid that the Dr. Belnap is going to take something out and forget to put it back in. So I am not going to explain to her what they are going to do to me, until she is a lot older and can comprehend what the procedure intales.

Okay, I think that I am feeling a little better. I need to stay strong and remember that I can do anything that I put my mind to.

One of my favorite quotes: Remember a journey of one thousand miles begines with one step!