I have been having some very unhealthy thoughts and feelings the last few months, I am so obsessive about my weight loss and the lack there of. I keep thinking that I need to work out everyday for 3 hours and that I need to only eat 500 calories a day, (probably don't get many more than that any ways)I keep thinking about starvation (would make me deathly ill) and many other dangerous and other unhealthy ways of loosing weight.
I know that I should be happy about the weight that I have lost, because I have lost A Lot but I am not happy. I still would love to loose 100 more pounds, but that would put me at an unhealthy weight and honestly I only need to loose another 60 or so. The problem is getting myself back into the loose weight mode. It seems like every one around me is obsessive about weight loss, whither or not they have any thing that they need too loose.
When I reflect back on my child hood I always had a weight problem, I was always over weight. I was on one diet after another and I seemed to loose for a little while then I would stop. I hate being obese, it is not fun and some times I feel powerless to my own mind and self destructive ways and thoughts.
When I look into a mirror I don't see a woman who has lost 170 pounds, that has gone from 420 lbs to 270. I see a 420 pound woman and she makes me sick, she is ugly and she disgust me and I do not like her, and most of the time I avoid looking into mirrors all the time. They tend to tell the ugly truth and I don't want to see it or hear it. I don't know what to do to stop this train of thought, I am not sure about how to go about make me feel better about my self.
I have found some articles that I think might help all of us get over and past our destructive weight loss road blocks. Good luck every one lets see if we can get through this together.
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