I've been thinking a lot the last little while about a lot of different things; and I am a little concerned that now since I have had this surgery and lost all of this weight that I am going to develop an eating disorder. I know that right now I get major guilty feelings when I eat something that maybe isn't a good food choice. There are times that I think that maybe if I just throw up that my body wont register that it was ever there and that every thing will be fine.
Let me say this, I am not going and eating what ever I want and how much that I want. I am still trying very hard not to stretch my pouch; I still have seventy pounds that I want to loose and I don't want to have to fight to get it off. I am going to succeed at this surgery and I want to be the best me that I can be. I am trying really hard to not worry about how my friends are doing and concerning my self with MY WEIGHT LOSS; because that is all that is important.
I sit and watch people who have had the surgery and I see how they eat and how much they eat; I am really surprised that they have lost as much as they have. I know what I have been taught, I know what my body can handle and I am doing what I know that I need to do.
I went to the library this morning and I had an experience that made me feel really good. Our local library has a security guard 24 hours a day; and to day when I walked in he glanced up at me like they normally do; but to day he took a double look and smiled at me and watched me walk into the library. It made me feel so good about myself; and the changes that I have under gone since I've lost my weight. To tell you the honest truth it made me feel very sexy and I really liked it. People tell me all the time that I am being noticed by men when we go out places; but once in a while I notice it my self and it makes me feel great.
I want every one to know that I am very happy with the choices that I have made for my self and that I am very glad that I choice to have this surgery. My quality of life is so much better than it use to be, I never thought that I would ever feel this good about myself. I am thinking about taking up speeding walking; I never thought that my mom would have to keep up with me when we are at the grocery store, but she does and it is a great feeling.
I love you all; the love and support that I get from all of you is amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Much love
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Woo Hoo five More Pounds...
Well I don't know if it is just time for me too loose a little more weight; or if it the green tea tablets that I am taking but I am down five more pounds. I am very happy I am not getting my hopes up about being over my plateau yet but I am on the right track again!
I am getting my hair cut tomorrow and I will take a pic and post it on my blog but if I don't say so my self my new hair cut is dang cute!
I am getting my hair cut tomorrow and I will take a pic and post it on my blog but if I don't say so my self my new hair cut is dang cute!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I’m Proud to Be an American
Today I’m filled with pride for our country and the growth that we have made as Americans. I remember when I was a little girl when Jessie Jackson ran for President; and whatever one said about having an African American as President. They would always say that we would never see it happen.
Therefore, when Barack Obama announced his candidacy for office I am not sure what I thought about it. However, I listened to what all of the candidate had to say and I liked what I heard from Obama; But when I said that I liked Obama word spread like a wild fire and I was attacked from all sides. I felt that I did not have the right to think for my self. There are many rumors out there that he is a Muslim; and that he was not a born U.S Citizen. There are pictures circulating were he is not saluting the flag of the United States; how do we know that all these things are true. The pictures are fixed and that you can tell if you look closely.
I am proud of the steps that we have taken as a country and I am glad that I was able to see it happen. We have become a stronger country because of it; and I feel that there is a since of equality in the events that have taken place. Obama’s speech was very powerful he talked about how sixty years ago his father would not have been served in a restaurant in this country and today he was sworn in as the 44th President of The United Stated of America.
There have been three Historical events happen in my lifetime; the fall of the Berlin Wall, Russia is now a Socialist country and is no longer run by a Dictator, and the swearing in of the First African American President. Dr Martin Luther King’s dreams have come true, and I think that Abraham Lincoln would be proud of what this country has become.
I look forward to the future to see what Barack Obama does for this country and all the great things that are to come. God Bless him in his term in office that he may be able to do the things that need to be done to make this country a better place to live; and to get this country back to what it was meant to be all those years ago.
Therefore, when Barack Obama announced his candidacy for office I am not sure what I thought about it. However, I listened to what all of the candidate had to say and I liked what I heard from Obama; But when I said that I liked Obama word spread like a wild fire and I was attacked from all sides. I felt that I did not have the right to think for my self. There are many rumors out there that he is a Muslim; and that he was not a born U.S Citizen. There are pictures circulating were he is not saluting the flag of the United States; how do we know that all these things are true. The pictures are fixed and that you can tell if you look closely.
I am proud of the steps that we have taken as a country and I am glad that I was able to see it happen. We have become a stronger country because of it; and I feel that there is a since of equality in the events that have taken place. Obama’s speech was very powerful he talked about how sixty years ago his father would not have been served in a restaurant in this country and today he was sworn in as the 44th President of The United Stated of America.
There have been three Historical events happen in my lifetime; the fall of the Berlin Wall, Russia is now a Socialist country and is no longer run by a Dictator, and the swearing in of the First African American President. Dr Martin Luther King’s dreams have come true, and I think that Abraham Lincoln would be proud of what this country has become.
I look forward to the future to see what Barack Obama does for this country and all the great things that are to come. God Bless him in his term in office that he may be able to do the things that need to be done to make this country a better place to live; and to get this country back to what it was meant to be all those years ago.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Just a Little Post...
I just thought that I would let every one know how I am doing. I am doing great, I am still at a plateau but I am ok with it because I am not gaining weight I am staying the same and it is giving my tummy skin time to catch up just a little bit. I am trying to get an appointment to get my hair cut, when I do I will post new pics because I have a stinking cute new hair cut I love it.
other than that all is well, I've been sick since Christmas but I am starting to feel some what human again. Life is good the world is beautiful and I couldn't ask for anything more (except for a vacation). I hope this finds all of you well!
Lots of love
other than that all is well, I've been sick since Christmas but I am starting to feel some what human again. Life is good the world is beautiful and I couldn't ask for anything more (except for a vacation). I hope this finds all of you well!
Lots of love
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Dying on the other end of the line
You tell me that we need to talk
And that it just can’t wait,
It seems some things have changed
There are some sacrifices to make.
After seven years of marriage
You say that you want out,
That you just don’t feel the same
That this is was life is about.
You tell me that there’s some one else
That makes you feel complete,
Gives you everything that you need
And knocks you off your feet.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
I loved you once, but not any more
As I die on the other end of the line.
I gave you everything I had
My heart, my life, my love;
I thought that I was the only one
That our love was sent from above.
You promised me forever
I gave my soul to you,
We ventured out together
To start a life brand new.
Now we have three children
Do you really think that they’ll understand?
That daddy doesn’t want us anymore,
That he left us for another man.
In all our years together
Who would have stopped to guess?
That you would ever leave me;
Taking the heart right out of my chest.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
You loved me once, but not anymore
As I die on the other end of the line.
I see that you’ve made your choice
There’s no use in asking you to stay,
You loved me once, but not anymore
My life will never be the same.
I realized now that it’s over
You’re finished saying goodbye!
I wonder what I’m going to do next
I feel like I’m dying inside.
You’re no longer on the phone
There’s only a dial tone in my ear,
Whispering those haunting words
That I never wanted to hear!
There was once I loved you
As tears filled up my eyes,
But I’m in love with a man
I can’t go on living this lie.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
I love you still, hung up the phone
And died on the other side of the line
Ronda Gardner
And that it just can’t wait,
It seems some things have changed
There are some sacrifices to make.
After seven years of marriage
You say that you want out,
That you just don’t feel the same
That this is was life is about.
You tell me that there’s some one else
That makes you feel complete,
Gives you everything that you need
And knocks you off your feet.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
I loved you once, but not any more
As I die on the other end of the line.
I gave you everything I had
My heart, my life, my love;
I thought that I was the only one
That our love was sent from above.
You promised me forever
I gave my soul to you,
We ventured out together
To start a life brand new.
Now we have three children
Do you really think that they’ll understand?
That daddy doesn’t want us anymore,
That he left us for another man.
In all our years together
Who would have stopped to guess?
That you would ever leave me;
Taking the heart right out of my chest.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
You loved me once, but not anymore
As I die on the other end of the line.
I see that you’ve made your choice
There’s no use in asking you to stay,
You loved me once, but not anymore
My life will never be the same.
I realized now that it’s over
You’re finished saying goodbye!
I wonder what I’m going to do next
I feel like I’m dying inside.
You’re no longer on the phone
There’s only a dial tone in my ear,
Whispering those haunting words
That I never wanted to hear!
There was once I loved you
As tears filled up my eyes,
But I’m in love with a man
I can’t go on living this lie.
You loved me once was all you said
As tears filled up my eyes,
I love you still, hung up the phone
And died on the other side of the line
Ronda Gardner
Friday, January 16, 2009
Ronda... The Meaning of My Name!
* The name of Ronda gives you a clever, quick, analytical mind, but you suffer with a great deal of self-consciousness, lack of confidence, and much aloneness because of misunderstandings.
* Your idealistic and sensitive nature gives you a deep appreciation for the finer things of life and a strong desire to be of service to humanity.
* There are times when you experience inner turbulence at your inability to say what you mean.
* It is far easier for you to express your deeper thoughts and feelings through writing than verbally.
* You find pleasure in literature, in poetry, and in your ideals and will turn to them when you feel you have been misunderstood.
* You are deeply moved by the beauties of life, especially nature.
* Although the name Ronda creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a moody disposition.
* This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs and bronchial area.
* Your idealistic and sensitive nature gives you a deep appreciation for the finer things of life and a strong desire to be of service to humanity.
* There are times when you experience inner turbulence at your inability to say what you mean.
* It is far easier for you to express your deeper thoughts and feelings through writing than verbally.
* You find pleasure in literature, in poetry, and in your ideals and will turn to them when you feel you have been misunderstood.
* You are deeply moved by the beauties of life, especially nature.
* Although the name Ronda creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a moody disposition.
* This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs and bronchial area.
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