I am scheduled for my Pre-Op on the 5th of March; I am starting to get nervous! It is actually getting close and I think that it is going to happen. I still need to make and appointment for my Life Styles class; and that is a class that I have to sit through! They teach out how to eat and about the “life style” that I am going to have to live after the surgery.
I also registered for surgery today as well; it is so weird I have been working towards this for nine months now and I am about to reach my goal. I was beginning to think that it wasn’t going to happen; but here we are it is happening. I am glad I can’t wait to start my life; I can’t wait to see what the rest of my life has in store for me. It is going to be interesting to see; I can’t wait too see what I look like after I loose my weight.
I just thought that I would update all of you where I am and what is happening. I will know for sure of everything next Friday.
Ronda Gardner
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I am a Bawl Baby!
Can I just tell you that I am so emotional right now that it is not funny; I did not realize that one person could have so many tears, wow! It is just a rough week; I am cutting out as many Carbohydrates as possible and it is very difficult, I am so tiered that I want to do is sleep and I can’t. I want to take a day off work and just sleep all day long; but I keep reminding myself that I only have 12 more days and I am going to have a couple of weeks off, and four of those days are going to be in the hospital resting so I will get plenty of sleep then.
The night that I went up for my consultation with Dr. Belnap; we had to watch this video about the Gastric Bypass surgery. In the beginning of the video there were going around asking “SKINNY” people what they think when they see some one who is over weight. Some of the things that these people were saying were absolutely horrible.
They were saying everything from; they have no self control, they like to over indulge, I think that they need to try harder to be skinny and work out. These are just a few of the things that they were saying. I was very difficult for me to watch.
Having had a weight problem my whole life, knowing that I have been on diet after diet since I was five years old. I took it personally because I have tried VERY hard my whole life to loose weight. I have done everything; I have been able too loose weight but never been able to keep it off. It is not easy; and with having the genetic back ground that we have we don’t have much of a chance.
Well the surgeon was telling me that with some people there weight problem is because of the way that they eat. Some people are over weight because the have back genes. He was telling us that there is a gene that is as old as the cave man; not every one has this gene but it is there. It makes you store fat wither you need to or not. It can not tell the difference.
Well thinking about this video makes me think about something else that is a real peeve of mine. I hate the way that society makes me feel; allot of times I feel like I am not even a person I am just some thing that is taking up space that could be used for something better. I know that I am not the only person that feels this way.
I hate it when you are in the mall of a grocery store and some one walks past you and make eye contact with you; only to shun you and look a way when you acknowledge them and smile at them. It dehumanizes you and I wish that it didn’t happen as often as it does.
I look forward to the day that all man kind is equal and there is not prejudice between any one. That would be a perfect world and I don’t see it happening any time soon. I am glad that I have a husband that loves me the way that I am; he thinks that I am beautiful and loves me just the way that I am. I love that he thinks that I am sexy; but you know he is behind me 100% when it comes to this surgery and that makes me happier than anything.
He wants me to be happy and healthy and if this is what it takes then he is okay with it.
Now that my surgery date is getting closer I would think that I would be getting nervous; but I’m not, the closer that it gets the more excited I get. I am ready to have this part of my long journey over with and to start the next leg.
It has been a long ten months but I have learned so much I have become so much stronger and I have learned to relay upon my savior to guide me and get me through; he never steers you wrong. I have relied on him through this whole process to make sure that I was doing the right thing and that I had made the right decision.
I know that there are two people on the side who are rooting for me, I am sure my Grandma Tom (Hard) is behind me I don’t think that she would want me too have the same life that she did; I don’t want to die like that. The other person is my Dear Sweet Destry; when I went to his viewing I lost it I was crying so hard that I could not breathe. His mother told me that Destry was telling her the day before he passed how much he cared about me and how much he loved me. He was always saying that he was concerned about me and that if he had the money that he would pay for me to have a Gastric Bypass; there has been more than once that I thought he was near me. I know that he is happy for me and behind me all the way.
Well this is my longest post; I just have allot on my mind tonight. Thank you all for your support it is seriously what is getting me through this right now. It is hard and trying; thank you I love you all!
Ronda Gardner
The night that I went up for my consultation with Dr. Belnap; we had to watch this video about the Gastric Bypass surgery. In the beginning of the video there were going around asking “SKINNY” people what they think when they see some one who is over weight. Some of the things that these people were saying were absolutely horrible.
They were saying everything from; they have no self control, they like to over indulge, I think that they need to try harder to be skinny and work out. These are just a few of the things that they were saying. I was very difficult for me to watch.
Having had a weight problem my whole life, knowing that I have been on diet after diet since I was five years old. I took it personally because I have tried VERY hard my whole life to loose weight. I have done everything; I have been able too loose weight but never been able to keep it off. It is not easy; and with having the genetic back ground that we have we don’t have much of a chance.
Well the surgeon was telling me that with some people there weight problem is because of the way that they eat. Some people are over weight because the have back genes. He was telling us that there is a gene that is as old as the cave man; not every one has this gene but it is there. It makes you store fat wither you need to or not. It can not tell the difference.
Well thinking about this video makes me think about something else that is a real peeve of mine. I hate the way that society makes me feel; allot of times I feel like I am not even a person I am just some thing that is taking up space that could be used for something better. I know that I am not the only person that feels this way.
I hate it when you are in the mall of a grocery store and some one walks past you and make eye contact with you; only to shun you and look a way when you acknowledge them and smile at them. It dehumanizes you and I wish that it didn’t happen as often as it does.
I look forward to the day that all man kind is equal and there is not prejudice between any one. That would be a perfect world and I don’t see it happening any time soon. I am glad that I have a husband that loves me the way that I am; he thinks that I am beautiful and loves me just the way that I am. I love that he thinks that I am sexy; but you know he is behind me 100% when it comes to this surgery and that makes me happier than anything.
He wants me to be happy and healthy and if this is what it takes then he is okay with it.
Now that my surgery date is getting closer I would think that I would be getting nervous; but I’m not, the closer that it gets the more excited I get. I am ready to have this part of my long journey over with and to start the next leg.
It has been a long ten months but I have learned so much I have become so much stronger and I have learned to relay upon my savior to guide me and get me through; he never steers you wrong. I have relied on him through this whole process to make sure that I was doing the right thing and that I had made the right decision.
I know that there are two people on the side who are rooting for me, I am sure my Grandma Tom (Hard) is behind me I don’t think that she would want me too have the same life that she did; I don’t want to die like that. The other person is my Dear Sweet Destry; when I went to his viewing I lost it I was crying so hard that I could not breathe. His mother told me that Destry was telling her the day before he passed how much he cared about me and how much he loved me. He was always saying that he was concerned about me and that if he had the money that he would pay for me to have a Gastric Bypass; there has been more than once that I thought he was near me. I know that he is happy for me and behind me all the way.
Well this is my longest post; I just have allot on my mind tonight. Thank you all for your support it is seriously what is getting me through this right now. It is hard and trying; thank you I love you all!
Ronda Gardner
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Dazed and Confused!
With today being Wednesday; that means that I went to the hospital and weighed in. It was a good week; I lost another six pounds to make it a total of thirty pounds lost.
The reason that I am so confused is the fact that they told me what I need to be down to before surgery; and that will put me at Forty seven pounds lost. I am going to call Vikki tomorrow and talk to her. That mean I would have to loose 17 pounds in 12 days and I don’t think that, that is possible.
I told Vikki that I am going to try to cut out all Carbohydrates; she told me that if I can’t to cut back to fifteen grams. I am going to be sick; but if it means that I can loose the weight that I need to I will do it. I was also told that if I got some Green Tea that it would also help accelerate my weight loss.
I can do this; I need to stay positive and continue to believe that I can do. I have so many wonderful friends that support me and help me stay strong. My family is also wonderful; they are all behind me 100%. That means allot too me.
There are so many people that go into this with out the love and support of there family and friends; and I have been told that it is very difficult. I There are some people who don’t know that I am doing this; but I don’t think that it is any of there business. If I did tell them all they would do is ridicule me; and tell me that I am cheating and doing it the easy. I know I have said this before, but this is not the easy way to loose weight.
It gives me a head start and helps me learn to eat healthy. I have too be whiling to change my life style or it won’t work for me. I am completely whiling to change my life style; I am ready to be thin. Watch out world here I come!
Thank you all for your support and thank you for reading my blog. I love all of you and thank god for you every day!
Ronda Gardner
The reason that I am so confused is the fact that they told me what I need to be down to before surgery; and that will put me at Forty seven pounds lost. I am going to call Vikki tomorrow and talk to her. That mean I would have to loose 17 pounds in 12 days and I don’t think that, that is possible.
I told Vikki that I am going to try to cut out all Carbohydrates; she told me that if I can’t to cut back to fifteen grams. I am going to be sick; but if it means that I can loose the weight that I need to I will do it. I was also told that if I got some Green Tea that it would also help accelerate my weight loss.
I can do this; I need to stay positive and continue to believe that I can do. I have so many wonderful friends that support me and help me stay strong. My family is also wonderful; they are all behind me 100%. That means allot too me.
There are so many people that go into this with out the love and support of there family and friends; and I have been told that it is very difficult. I There are some people who don’t know that I am doing this; but I don’t think that it is any of there business. If I did tell them all they would do is ridicule me; and tell me that I am cheating and doing it the easy. I know I have said this before, but this is not the easy way to loose weight.
It gives me a head start and helps me learn to eat healthy. I have too be whiling to change my life style or it won’t work for me. I am completely whiling to change my life style; I am ready to be thin. Watch out world here I come!
Thank you all for your support and thank you for reading my blog. I love all of you and thank god for you every day!
Ronda Gardner
Monday, February 25, 2008
Nausea and Dizzy Spells
I can not wait until I loose the rest of the 40 pounds and I am ready to have surgery; because I am tiered of not feeling well. I am constantly nauseated and shaky and lightheaded. I think that I have complained about this before but it is getting old.
I am trying so hard to stay strong and not falter. I know that I made this choice, I knew that it was going to be difficult; but I didn’t think that it was going to be this difficult. I know that the diet that I am on is not exactly healthy allot of people keep reminding me of that, but I have to do what is asked of me if I don’t the surgeon can refuse me and I don’t want that.
I am constantly reminding myself that the final out come is going to be worth everything that I am going through. That also makes it a little easier.
I have talked to allot of people who have had the surgery; and have heard allot of good and bad things about it. But my best friend Jackie keeps telling me that the surgery doesn’t fail the patient, the patient fails the surgery.
I have heard more positive stories than I have bad and I have noticed that the people that have had the WLS that didn’t succeed, thought that they didn’t have to change the way that they ate after surgery. One lady I talked to said the day that she went home from the hospital she ate a huge plate of Spaghetti and made her self sick. I am surprised that she didn’t end up back in the hospital.
I have a friend a work that had the surgery 26 years ago and she looks fabulous. She told me that in 26 years she gained 60 pounds back, she joined weight watchers and as lost every thing that she had gained.
My friend Jackie is 6 years out, and she has had two pregnancies since she had her surgery; and she is doing incredible. She looks so good and gives me encouragement; I know that I can do it. When I told her that my Doctor referred me to a surgeon and that I was really thinking about doing it; she had some of her friends email me and share their stories with me. I think that, that really helped me make my decision.
I have one of the best surgeons in Utah, Dr. Legrand Belnap; I have done a Google search on him, I have read and heard nothing but good things about him. I say is name and other Doctors sing his praise; I am glad that he is the surgeon that is going to do my surgery. He has an incredible staff as well, they are so friendly and I never feel stupid if I have to call up there to ask a stupid question. They are great; in fact I was so impressed with them that I referred my friend Tierra Lott to them for her surgery.
I guess that I couldn’t ask for more, I am in good hands. I feel confident about having the procedure, and the change that my life is going to be taking. I want to thank all of you for your support, and love it means the world too me!
I am trying so hard to stay strong and not falter. I know that I made this choice, I knew that it was going to be difficult; but I didn’t think that it was going to be this difficult. I know that the diet that I am on is not exactly healthy allot of people keep reminding me of that, but I have to do what is asked of me if I don’t the surgeon can refuse me and I don’t want that.
I am constantly reminding myself that the final out come is going to be worth everything that I am going through. That also makes it a little easier.
I have talked to allot of people who have had the surgery; and have heard allot of good and bad things about it. But my best friend Jackie keeps telling me that the surgery doesn’t fail the patient, the patient fails the surgery.
I have heard more positive stories than I have bad and I have noticed that the people that have had the WLS that didn’t succeed, thought that they didn’t have to change the way that they ate after surgery. One lady I talked to said the day that she went home from the hospital she ate a huge plate of Spaghetti and made her self sick. I am surprised that she didn’t end up back in the hospital.
I have a friend a work that had the surgery 26 years ago and she looks fabulous. She told me that in 26 years she gained 60 pounds back, she joined weight watchers and as lost every thing that she had gained.
My friend Jackie is 6 years out, and she has had two pregnancies since she had her surgery; and she is doing incredible. She looks so good and gives me encouragement; I know that I can do it. When I told her that my Doctor referred me to a surgeon and that I was really thinking about doing it; she had some of her friends email me and share their stories with me. I think that, that really helped me make my decision.
I have one of the best surgeons in Utah, Dr. Legrand Belnap; I have done a Google search on him, I have read and heard nothing but good things about him. I say is name and other Doctors sing his praise; I am glad that he is the surgeon that is going to do my surgery. He has an incredible staff as well, they are so friendly and I never feel stupid if I have to call up there to ask a stupid question. They are great; in fact I was so impressed with them that I referred my friend Tierra Lott to them for her surgery.
I guess that I couldn’t ask for more, I am in good hands. I feel confident about having the procedure, and the change that my life is going to be taking. I want to thank all of you for your support, and love it means the world too me!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
President Thomas S. Monson, First Councelor in the First Presidency
Occasionally discouragement may darken our pathway; frustration may be a constant companion. In our ears there may sound the sophistry of Satan as he whispers, “You cannot save the world; your small efforts are meaningless. You haven’t time to be concerned for others.” Trusting in the Lord, let us turn our heads from such falsehoods and make certain our feet are firmly planted in the path of service and our hearts and souls dedicated to follow the example of the Lord. In moments when the light of resolution dims and when the heart grows faint, we can take comfort from His promise: “Be not weary in well-doing. … Out of small things proceedeth that which is great. Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind.”Thomas S. Monson, “Finding Peace,” Ensign, Mar. 2004, 3
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Random Thoughts!
It just seems like yesterday that I went up to Dr. Belnap’s office for my Pro-Op appointment, but it has been 34 days! I also can’t believe that I have lost 24 pounds; I have never lost weight this fast before. I have had several people tell me that I don’t need to have surgery because I am loosing weight so well on my own. The only thing is, is that if I went back to eating the way that I was before I would gain it back, or I would not be as successful.
I tell them that they have to realize that I am on a very unhealthy diet. I mean Dr. Atkins thinks that he had the right Idea with High Protein and no Carbohydrates. I mean the diet works but I have to tell you that I am sick most of the time; I am so dizzy and light headed I have the shakes all of the time. But I am trying to cut as many carbohydrates as possible because right now I am in crunch mode, I have 17 days to loose 16 pounds and I want to do it I have to have surgery on the 10th of March. I think that I will be very disappointed in my self and I think that it will be very hard for me too want to keep going.
But I am not going to start thinking this way. I have to stay positive! I am almost at my goal, and the taste of victory is going to be sweet. I can not wait to be thin; this is something that I have wanted everyday of my life since I was a small girl. I have always thought that there was a thin person inside of me trying to get out, and she is about to come out and all I can say is….
Watch out world here comes Ronda; I can’t wait to see what my future has in store for me. I am thinking about going through the police academy; I am not sure though because I have also thought about going to Culinary arts school. I love to cook and I think that it would be fun to be chief.
I am going to make some changes in my life and I am not sure what they are going to be but they are going to be exciting. I know that there is so much more for me in this life and I have been holding my self back because of my weight. I don’t like to put my self in the spot light, if I did that then people would notice me, and I don’t want people to see me because the world can be pretty cruel, and I don’t like to be in the spot light. But things are going to be changing for me and I can’t wait.
I want to thank you for your support through this period in my life, it has been hard but I know that in the long run it is going to be worth it. I love you all!
Ronda Gardner
I tell them that they have to realize that I am on a very unhealthy diet. I mean Dr. Atkins thinks that he had the right Idea with High Protein and no Carbohydrates. I mean the diet works but I have to tell you that I am sick most of the time; I am so dizzy and light headed I have the shakes all of the time. But I am trying to cut as many carbohydrates as possible because right now I am in crunch mode, I have 17 days to loose 16 pounds and I want to do it I have to have surgery on the 10th of March. I think that I will be very disappointed in my self and I think that it will be very hard for me too want to keep going.
But I am not going to start thinking this way. I have to stay positive! I am almost at my goal, and the taste of victory is going to be sweet. I can not wait to be thin; this is something that I have wanted everyday of my life since I was a small girl. I have always thought that there was a thin person inside of me trying to get out, and she is about to come out and all I can say is….
Watch out world here comes Ronda; I can’t wait to see what my future has in store for me. I am thinking about going through the police academy; I am not sure though because I have also thought about going to Culinary arts school. I love to cook and I think that it would be fun to be chief.
I am going to make some changes in my life and I am not sure what they are going to be but they are going to be exciting. I know that there is so much more for me in this life and I have been holding my self back because of my weight. I don’t like to put my self in the spot light, if I did that then people would notice me, and I don’t want people to see me because the world can be pretty cruel, and I don’t like to be in the spot light. But things are going to be changing for me and I can’t wait.
I want to thank you for your support through this period in my life, it has been hard but I know that in the long run it is going to be worth it. I love you all!
Ronda Gardner
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
It Was a Good Week!
Well I had a rough weekend and didn’t feel good for most of the week, but it was a good week! I lost Six pounds and am 16 pounds closer to my goal. I have 18 days too loose 16 pounds. I am going to do it; it shouldn’t be that hard to loose.
This is my game plan; I am going to cut out as many carbohydrates as possible maybe none as often as possible. I am going to try hard everyday to exercise more; I think that I am going to try walking at work. Drink more water, cut out the salt (it is going to make eating boiled eggs, tuna and cottage cheese hard) but I can do it. I am also going to continue drinking Aloe Vera Juice; I am not sure that it is working but I know on the weeks that I have drank it I have lost more.
Something else I have noticed is; is that on the weeks when I loose more I don’t feel good all week. I get really light headed shaky and really nauseated. But if it means that I am going to have a good weight loss that week; it is definitely worth not feeling well.
It is great that I have so many people who are standing behind and me supporting me. Everybody is behind me and my decision; my brother wasn’t for a while, but I think that he is now. He is afraid that I am going to die on the table. But I told him one day that my chances of dieing are great, I have Severe Sleep Apnea and we didn’t know it for a long time. I am now on a C-pap machine, I can’t say that I sleep on it every night but I try. I just got a new mask and I need to try it out.
I told him I could get in the car to go to work and get killed in a car accident; which in Utah is highly possible because we have the worst drivers in the United States, it is insane; and lastly I told him that if is my time I am going to die no matter what I am doing or where I am.
Enough about death, because I am not planning on going any where; I have never been skinny and I am looking forward to the experience.
I want to Thank you all again for your continuing support and all of the love that you send my way. It means allot to me!
Ronda Gardner
This is my game plan; I am going to cut out as many carbohydrates as possible maybe none as often as possible. I am going to try hard everyday to exercise more; I think that I am going to try walking at work. Drink more water, cut out the salt (it is going to make eating boiled eggs, tuna and cottage cheese hard) but I can do it. I am also going to continue drinking Aloe Vera Juice; I am not sure that it is working but I know on the weeks that I have drank it I have lost more.
Something else I have noticed is; is that on the weeks when I loose more I don’t feel good all week. I get really light headed shaky and really nauseated. But if it means that I am going to have a good weight loss that week; it is definitely worth not feeling well.
It is great that I have so many people who are standing behind and me supporting me. Everybody is behind me and my decision; my brother wasn’t for a while, but I think that he is now. He is afraid that I am going to die on the table. But I told him one day that my chances of dieing are great, I have Severe Sleep Apnea and we didn’t know it for a long time. I am now on a C-pap machine, I can’t say that I sleep on it every night but I try. I just got a new mask and I need to try it out.
I told him I could get in the car to go to work and get killed in a car accident; which in Utah is highly possible because we have the worst drivers in the United States, it is insane; and lastly I told him that if is my time I am going to die no matter what I am doing or where I am.
Enough about death, because I am not planning on going any where; I have never been skinny and I am looking forward to the experience.
I want to Thank you all again for your continuing support and all of the love that you send my way. It means allot to me!
Ronda Gardner
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