Happy Thanksgiving

As the holidays start to roll in; I start to think about my life, the wonderful people that I have the opportunity to know, and all the many blessing that I have been blessed with.

My husband Mark, came into my life at a time when I was looking for acceptance and love, he gave me both unconditionally. He looked and me and feel in love with the women that I am and not someone the didn’t exist. He has been a part of my life for five years and I am so grateful for the blessing of his love in my life. I know that I am difficult to live with at times but I hope he realizes how much I love him and how much he means to me. He is my life and my heart and hope that we together for along time.

I love my family very and would do any thing for them. They are truly the greatest blessing in my life; I don’t know what I would do with out them. My little brother Russell is the biggest pain in the butt, and he torments us to no end and there are days that I would love to do nothing more than straggle him. But I know that he loves me and the would do anything to protect me. He is one of my best friends and I love him very much. As I was preparing for my surgery he was the only person in my family that was not supportive of my choice but in the end he told me that he loved me and would support me in any decision that I made.

My sister Sarah and I used to try to kill each other; we could not get a long for the life of our mother and I think that there are times that she would have liked to strangle us! But as we grew up we became closer and the birth of my first nephew Anthony really brought us together. He was an answer to my prayers, he was what I needed at the time that he was born. Sarah is my best friend; her and I do so much together; she went to the New kids on The Block concert with us even though she was never really a fan. She used to give me hell for liking them but we have mutual friends that all like them and it has just brought us all together.

My parents have done so much for my husband and I since we got married that I will never be able to repay them for it. I hope that they know how much we appreciate all that they have done for us. My mom and I had our ups and downs she was my biggest enemy in high school; and my best friend now. My mother was my hero growing up, he was always there for me he was the one I went to when I had problems he understood me. I am the spitting image of my Grandma Tom (hard) and I feel that I have a special bond with my dad and some of my uncle because of it.

My family means so much to me, I love them all so much and am so grateful to have all of them in my life. I have a wonderful sister in law names Kristi and seven beautiful nieces and nephews that I think the world of. Anthony is the oldest, then there is A. J (Alma Jr.) Sadies and Hallie these are my sisters children and I am very close to all of them. They are my heart and hope that they know how much I love them and how much they mean to me. Benjamin and Jacob are my brothers boys and they are adorable and I love them as well; I don’t have the same relationship with them as I do my sisters but I love them just as much and think that they are wonderful loving boys. These children may be as close as I get to any of my own and hold a special place in my heart for all of them.

Today as you sit down to dinner remember to tell those that you love how much that they mean too; never pass up an opportunity to say those three words you never know when it is going to be too late. Never take for granite all you have and the loved ones in your life; because life is short and you never know when it is going to come to an end. Don’t forget to say today what you might regret tomorrow, and don’t forget to thank god for all the blessing in your life; nothing would be possible with out him.

I love all of you, all of my wonderful family and friends that have shown me so much love and support over the last eleven months, with out your love and support I would not have done as well as I have. Much love on this day of thanksgiving I hold you all in my heart!

Forbidden Love

I saw him from across the room,
He mesmerized me with his eyes.
He looked angry and confused,
He acted as though he hated me.

I have never felt like this before,
I am weary and excited all at once.
I want nothing more than to get to know him
However, he is on guard and hesitant to let me in.

The more he pushes me away,
The more I want to be close to him.
I want to know what he is thinks and how he is feeling
He fascinates me more than is safe.

He tells me that he is dangerous
That I would be smarter to walk away,
That it is dangerous to have him near me
That I would be happier with out him.

He does not understand that I cannot be away from him
That he makes me feel alive, and free.
He is the heart that beats in my chest
He is the wind that is beneath my wings.

The touch of hands on my skin
Sends chills racing up and down my spin,
When he gently kisses my lips
I am helpless and out of breathe.

He is all that I want for the rest of my life,
Our loves feels the empty void inside.
He is my heart, my life and light
I would give up mortality to be with him for eternity!

Ronda Gardner
11/26/08

Finding Myself...

I have decided that there is only so much that you can change with out loosing your self; and need to redefine who it is that you are and what it is that you want from your life.

I have lost one hundred and fifty pounds since March 14, 2008; and it still amazes me the changes that I have gone through. Not only physically but also emotionally and mentally, I am a new woman, with a new life and wonderful opportunities ahead of me.

It still blows my mind that men actually pay attention to me, I am not used to men looking at me and finding me attractive. I have never been worth the attention and it is rather nice to feel sexy, pretty and attractive; this is a new experience for me and I love every minute of it.

I walk just a little straighter with my head held just a little higher; and I have a new spring in my step. I cannot believe how much self-confidence I have now; we define our selves by our bodies and I have never felt like I was much to look at and that no man would ever want me. I am so grateful that I met my husband during my post gastric bypass life; he feel in love with me the women that no other man could be bothered to take the time to get to know. Appearances and looks are so important these days; society is obsessed with them. There are so many shallow people in this world and it is sad; because there are so many amazing people out there who will never be giving a change to find some one to love them because they do not fit in to the mold that society and has for a mate.

I hope that some day that society will change; I guess that I am so passionate about this because I have been a victim of bigotry and hate because I am over weight. High school was so difficult for me because I was different and did not fit in; I hope that if I am blessed with children some day that they do not have to live the kind of life that I have. That they aren't treated as I was because they are different: I hope that I can instill good healthy eating habits in them and they do not get my genes.

I am still trying to find my self and learn who it is that I am; I know that I am the same women but there are so many changes that I need to do some soul searching to make sure that I don’t change so much that I loose my family and friends. I love you all and I am so grateful to have so many loving and supportive people in my life. Thank you for the love and support on this incredible journey; it has been amazing and to think that it has only just begun I have the rest of my life ahead of me.

Big Hugs!

Twilight

I read these books a year ago and I am a little apprehensive about seeing the movie; the books are good, I would not go as far as saying that they are brilliant but they are good books. You can't help but fall in love with Edward Cullen; He and Bella have a love that every women hopes and dreams for. The kind of love people only find in books. I am going to the movie thinking that is not going to be anything like the books; but I am going to give it the benefit of the doubts. I'll let everyone know what I think of the movie after I see it!

I'm Feeling Frustrated and a Little Angery...

I know that I shouldn't be feeling the way that I am feeling; I should allow people to live there lives the way that they want, and if they do not want to be my friend then that is fine. But do me a favor and don't pretend that you are my friend and use me to help you reach your ultimate goal. I think that I am going to tell Dr. Belnap that I am not sure that I want to help patients any more. It is too emotionally draining for me to get that involved and I don't think that I want to do it any more.

The one thing that I have learned through out this process and weight loss that happiness DOES NOT make you happy. Happiness comes from with in yourself; if you are not happy before hand you will not be happy after you loose the weight.

So the best advice I can give to any one that is thinking about having this surgery; make sure that you are having it for the right reasons. Don't do it just too loose weight to be happy; because it is hard.

New Kids Pictures....It Was So Much Fun!

Stay The Same by Joe McIntyre

Joe McIntyre has a song thats lyrics really reach out speak to me, they really open my eyes and make me think about my life and how I feel about my self. How that I am special just the way that I am and that I need to learn to love my self and except me.


Chorus
Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.
Verse
I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.
Chorus
Bridge
Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.
Cuz there's nothing about you I would change


OK I am done blogging today you wont here from me again!
much love

Recent Pictures

I Am In Love...

Oh my goodness, I had been excited about the concert last night for months; but that was nothing until they got on stage last night they were freaking amazing and I am in love all over again.

It didn’t feel like it had been fifteen years since I Had last seen them in concert and the whole experience was incredible. Donnie wahlberg you can tell by the look on his face that he completely loves what he does and the effect that he as on the crowd. I screamed my self horse last night and I danced until my feet felt like they were going to fall off. But, man it was worth it.

I wish that I could have been there with all of my friends that I shared this part of my life with but I was there with the ones that were important and that is all that matters. We didn’t all sit together but the thought that they were all there was good enough for me. Most of my friends from then don’t like the kids anymore, they have grown up and moved on and listen to country music now, but not me; well I am grown up but I DO NOT listen to country music.

As soon as I get the pictures from the concert I will post them on here; it was amazing and I hope that they do it all again.

NEW KIDS TONIGHT....

THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK CONCERT IS TONIGHT AND I THINK THAT I AM GOING TO DIE FROM EXCITEMENT! I WILL POST ANY PICTURES I TAKE TONIGHT. IT IS A DREAM COME TRUE, ONE THAT I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD NEVER SEE!

Woo Hoo Im Doing The Happy Dance!

I have not lost anything in about a month; in fact it has gotten to the point that I don't get on the scale often because I know that I am the same. Well after sitting at 280 for four weeks I got on the scale this morning to discover that I am down another 7 pounds, I did the happy dance on the scale. That puts me at 273; I am on my way again and I am happy, 83 more pounds to get to my goal!


GO REAL SALT LAKE, WIN TONIGHT AND GO ON TO THE FINALS!

Furious Indignation's

OK I have some thing that I am going to rant about; I have to say this first, having a Gastric Bypass is a scary decision it is hard and difficult to do with out the support of loves ones and friends. When you do not have that love and support, it makes it even harder, having said that I am going to unburden my self.

I have a friend who just recently had a Gastric Bypass; while she was preparing for her surgery, she asked her mother to go to some of her appointments with her and she would not. She acted as if she could not be bother; but while she was trying to loose the weight required of her before Dr. Belnap would operate her mother gave her nothing but grief. She was always telling her that she should be doing this instead of what Belnap wanted her to do. Then when she went up to weigh she would get mad at her if she did not loose what her mother thought that she should loose.

Well it got really ugly I am not going to go into to all of it for my friends sake and if her mother happens to read this I don’t want her to know that I know as much as I do. When she asked her mother to help her to be there for support her mother told her that she was not going to hold her hand; that she decided to do this and she was on her own. Well now that she has had surgery her mother is acting like the food police; my friend feels as if she is going to loose her mind. She showed up at my house the other night in tears because of something a close friend of hers said to her father, and the reaction that her father had because of it.

This is what makes me mad; they are using this to bully her! They are being mean to her thinking it is going to help her get to where she needs to be. They do not understand anything that she is going through because THEY refused to go to any appointments and meet with Dr. Belnap until the very end. I wish that there were more that I could do for her; I have stepped up to the plate and been for her what her mother should have been. I have started to feel very maternal towards her because she needs more than she is getting.

So this is what I want to say, if you are thinking about having a gastric bypass or some one that you are close to is having one, try to learn as much as you can about what they are going to be going through so that you are able to help them. This is hard and they are going to need some one to be there to help them through the bad days. I know that I cried a lot right after I had surgery and it was hard for me. If I couldn’t eat my family didn’t get mad at me, if I got sick from something they didn’t give me the third degree and ask me what I ate. They understood that my body was not going to be able to tolerate everything that I ate; they were loving and supportive and that was all I needed.

I know that this is the hardest way that I have ever lost weight but I feel great and I am so glad that I did it; I would not go back and change any thing for the world. I want to thank all of the wonderful people who have posted on my blog, the love, support has really helped me, and I appreciate it so much. Much love to all of you and I wish you all luck in whatever journey that you are on!

President Elect, Barack Obama

When this Presidential campaign began, I did not know what I thought about the changes that we were facing. We had a Vietnam veteran, a Female who is in search for as much power has she can achieve a Black man who is very young and does not seem to have a lot of experience and Mormon that got a lot of bad press because of his religion. I was not sure what I thought about that.

I did know one thing; if Hillary Clinton won office, I was moving as far away from the United States as possible. I did not really like McCain; I felt that some of his policies were not strong enough and he was not focusing on what I thought was important. Obama has some great ideas and I liked many of his policies. However, let me tell you what my problem was; I heard some many things about him that made me uneasy, I do not feel like as a country we received adequate answers to some of those allegations. Even know after he as won Office and is our next President there are still disconcerting accusations about him.

I like Barack Obama I just wish that I felt a little better about some of the things that we are hearing about him. I am whiling to give him the benefit of the doubt; he may surprise us and be one of the best presidents that we have ever had. I think that it is great that this country elected a Black man to office, it says a lot about us as a people. It speaks volumes we have grown and this country is ready for a change. History makes it’s self; and this election history was made and I am glad that I am able to say that I was alive to see it happen.

I am disgusted at how much racism and prejudice is still alive today; I thought that we got over that many years ago but it is still a live today. The fact there are white supremacist that are threatening his life just makes my skin crawl; I don’t care who he is or what he has done he does not deserve to be treated the way that the weak minded people of this country are treating him.

So why don’t we give him a chance to prove him self before we going judging him. Give him a chance to do what he promised before we go labeling him. I think that if we can make it through eight years of Mister Bill “I can’t keep my dick in my pants” Clinton; honestly can President Elect Obama Be half as bad? I know that this post is going to get me some nasty comments and there may be a lot of hostility towards me, but as a United States Citizen I have, the right to Freedom Of Speech and this is how I feel. Therefore, I guess that if this has upset you do not read it or just ignore what I said and let me have my say.

Ronda

MIA

It’s been a while since I blog; I was thinking the other day that there just isn’t anything to blog about, I am officially on a plateau and you know what, it doesn’t bother me. I am holding at 280 pounds but both my surgeon and my Doctor have both told me that it is normal. My body is doing something that every one that has this surgery does (I cannot remember what they called it) but as soon as my body is done I will start loosing again.

It feels good to get on the scale every week and see that same number. I wish that I would drop; I have gone back to the basics but I know that I need to be patient and I will start to loose again when my body is done doing what it is doing. I feel great; I feel better than I have in a long time. I never thought that I would weight this at the beginning of the year. It has been an amazing year.

I have been having some problems, Kidney Stones are not one of my favorite things in the world; I would prefer not to have them at all. Kidneys are not functioning properly and I have been having many lower backaches. Therefore, I went to the Doctor on Thursday and they are running some blood and Urine test. I am hoping that they actually find something and that this all is not in my head. I will let every one know what is going on when I find something out.

My shoulders are also bothering me bad right now, and I have tendonitis in my elbows by my Doctor will not treat it because it is work related. So I am turning an injury report in tomorrow at work and hopefully they will get me to work med soon. Therefore, with the elbows bothering me it is affecting the shoulder. I am going to go to Dr. King he is a specialist that bills as a regular doctor and he will do the injections that help my shoulder. They are painful but I will do almost anything to feel better and if it will help my shoulder heal, it is worth it.

Well that’s about all that’s going on right now, so I am going to head so I can get ready for church. However, I do have to add that the NKOTB concert is in 14 days, I am so excited that I cannot stand it! Have a wonderful day and enjoy the rain